ZICSALOMA’S PLASTIC SURGERY ERA - AND HE'S JUST GETTING STARTED

In other news, when Isaac's mother was singing, “Monkey no fine, but him Mama like am,” Isaac was waiting patiently to grow up, make that money, and prove to his mother that she either didn't love him enough or she loved having monkeys for children. 

Don't be confused, my dear CheckMates. I'm not trying to drop a proverb or garnish my words with pepper spray. I'm only trying to do what I know how to do best - bring you updates!

Please get comfortable, and if I may add, you'll need a nose mask for this one. Not because anything is smelling o. It's just so you can relate with our special needs character today. 

So, just when we were still adjusting to the fact that our dear Igando Michael Jackson and skitmaker, Isaac Aloma aka ZicSaloma, went all the way to Turkey to gift himself a nose lift, scientifically called rhinoplasty.

In case you don't know what rhinoplasty means, in simple terms: Nose BBL - Uncle has now revealed that he's going for forehead and lips next!!

Yeah, I'm sorry. I think I started the story from the middle. Yes, middle. Because I doubt this Zic-Rhino Era has an ending. 

Now let's take it from the top, shall we?

Breaking News!!

On Sunday, February 9th, 2025, ZicSaloma unveiled his freshly installed nose, and the Internet caught fire! While some were screaming “soft,” “do you mehn!” Others were dragging him like small gen, “why did you do it?” “You have low self-esteem.” “You're so insecure!” “What about your future children?”

Meanwhile, those of us were like, “No be Gadus be this!” and trying to understand how our guy went from comedy skits to influencer BBL era overnight. 

Speaking of influencers, when we asked Baba how much he spent on his new luxury, his response was, “Na Collabo!” Now, I'm not trying to say he joined the TikTok challenge late, please! That's not what I said. We don't spread fake news here! Those who know, Nose, pardon me, know. 

What he actually means by “Na Collabo!” is that he did not pay a dime for the surgery. Influencer levels sponsored by Sister Charity! If you don't get me, please leave it alone, especially if you don't have a lawyer. If you do have a lawyer, you might have to lend me yours. 

Back to the story! According to Baba “Who Dey Breathe,” a hospital in Turkey spotted his massive nose - my bad - his massive following, slid into his DMs, and said, 

“Baba, this your nose was so big we could spot it from a distance without using binoculars! Come let's fix this your nose. You don't need to pay us! We'll do it free of charge. Just tag us and we're good. We believe if we can fix your nose, the world will believe that we can fix any nose. Just come, bills on us!”

And, just like that, Zic’s childhood dream of escaping his “papa's nose in excess” became reality. 

But that's not all! Baba also got a slight eye lift while he was at it, because why stop at adjustments when you can tweak the full face, right? Even though you all agree, he still has some extra tweaks that need attention. 

In his YouTube video, ZicSaloma explained that he only paid for his visa and flight. 

But then let's talk about the possible numbers he would have been paying:

• Rhinoplasty (aka the nose reshuffle): $5000 - $6000
• Eye rejuvenation and face refresh: $2500 each
• Grand total? A whole plot of land in your village!

But remember, our guy got it courtesy of Charity!

But as much as we thank Charity for being far too kind, netizens won't let him rest. They have called him insecure and accused him of self-hate. Some said this is just the beginning and that he'll definitely get addicted to BBLs, pardon me again, I meant surgeries. You know these terms are so relatable, so don't blame me. 

Anyways, there were those who kept reminding him that this handcrafted image of God, which he had used Turkish eraser to wipe off, would definitely be replicated on his children. So, he should prepare for a rebirth of “Papa’s excess nose(s),” because, I mean, God definitely knows tomorrow.

But Baba Zics cleared them quickly! In his words;

“My kids are not me. If they like their nose, good for them. If they don't, they can go to Turkey!”

And when we heard that, we were like that sounds like a plan. That was until Baba Zics added, “Do you even know if I want biological children or if I want to adopt them?” 

Then we were all like, “Why are you - like this?” ‘Like this’ is the word. What other word you want to use there is your entitlement. Use your hand and type it by yourself. 

As I was saying, Baba Zics, why are you like this? If you're not concerned with reproducing little versions of the face on your first and original national ID card, why are you thinking of adoption? Why can't you have biological children? Are you afraid of biology repeating itself? I think I need to bring him in for another interview so he can answer these questions, but right now I don't have a pink couch available, so we'll reschedule this for the future. Why a pink couch? Go and ask Bae U Barbie.

Moving on, ZicSaloma also made one thing clear - BBL surgery addiction is not his portion. His surgery was strictly a one-time nose adjustment because he hated his side profile. But before you start closing that chapter with a hallelujah, you should know that ZicSaloma played a fast one on us - Baba now wants more work done!

During an interview with IsBae U, ZicSaloma casually revealed that he's not done yet. Nope! The nose was just phase one. Next stop? His galloping forehead and, shockingly, his broad lips. I mean, these are the lips he affirmed ladies are paying a fortune to get using cheiloplasty (that means lips BBL… You're welcome). 

In his defence, God has given him the money for it. I do hope that the God that gave him the money doesn't cause him to sneeze badly, because that will be God taking back what (the nose) he gave him money for. 

But then, Baba Zics, what exactly is the long-term plan here? At this rate, are we building a new ZicSaloma from scratch?! Because this thing is now like a full-blown renovation project:

Step 1: Fix Foundation (nose). Done!

Step 2: Adjust Roofing (Forehead) In progress!

Step 3: Upgrade POP (Lips). Coming Soon!

I mean, he has already disclosed his goal is to look like Michael Jackson. (He does know how he ended up, right?)

But guys, by this time next year, we might be looking at ZicSaloma 3.0 with full software updates! Lol!

This is no longer comedy; this is a full influencer glow-up in 4k! I mean, maybe soon we'll wake up one morning and see content from Zic with the POV: Get ready with me as I readjust my forehead! Lol! Sorry for the laugh.

You know, if it were another country, I'd have asked why people get to be so understanding and cool if a lady does this, and they go all rogue when it's a guy. But then we're in Nigeria; no matter who or what's involved, we'll definitely have something to say, and the majority of the time, it's never nice! Lol

Any hoo, while we try to keep up with ZicSaloma and his facial upgrades, let me go and remind the graphic designer to use his new face for this article’s artwork! Lol!

I'll see you in Other News!!