FROM KHAKI TO CAMOUFLAGE: NYSC BECOMES THE LATEST EDITION OF CALL OF DUTY

In other news, if you thought NYSC is all about wearing khaki, collecting allawee, and dodging SAED lectures, think again! The federal government might be considering turning NYSC into a full-blown military service. As in, like Call of Duty: Nigerian Edition!

E shock you Abi? I felt the same way too. But then I remembered I was done with that era of serving my dear country. I mean, you don't know what God has done for you if you've finished shouting, “Ajuwaya!” for your country. 

Now, before you start opening that Call-Up Letter. Let's have a little chat.

This all started when the Duke of Chelsea GBNGUS, investor, entrepreneur, philanthropist, patriot, and patrician, Chief DK Olumofin (I think we might call him Triple P, lol), sent a proposal to His Excellency, President Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, GCFR.

Through the illustrious family of Honorable Chief D.K. Olumofin, who is also the First Republic Minister of Economic Planning and Education and a member of the 1952 Parliament and also a member of the NCNC (my apologies, we have to give titles to whom they belong), Chief D.K., aka Triple P, sent a proposal to replace the NYSC with a selective elite military unit for graduates with significant pay. 

So, if you don't understand what all this plenty senrere means, Chief D.K. believes that the best way to utilize the NYSC program and tackle insecurity is to leave the old ways behind and turn fresh graduates into soldiers—or, as he puts it, S.M.S.—stop thinking about MTN tariff hikes; this one means Special Military Service. 

No more three-week camp with subtle training and endurance trek; instead, corpers would be getting rigorous military training!

Imagine leaving university, thinking you're going to be posted to a cozy office job, or, push comes to shove, one public school with empty libraries and labs that have just monkey skulls as equipment, only to find yourself in Maiduguri on a special ops mission. Corper John has turned into Rambo, init!! Lol!

Please, can someone ask Triple P where corpers will find the mental or physical strength for this one now? NYSC camp stress alone is enough to break people. Now add military wahala on top? If they wanted to join the military, wouldn't they have signed up for that? 

Well, the good thing is his proposal included that this program is only for the bold and brave, and it's a selective elite program. 

But then, who will give this corps proper training? Is it the same military that cannot land parachutes? Lol! Sorry for the laugh. 

Also, if it took the government years to finally increase the allowance for corpers, what's the guarantee that they will see this proposed ‘significant pay’? I mean, since they are sending Corpers now to play Squid Game, they should as well ensure the money matches the stress. 

Now, this is not the first time we've seen proposals like this reach the federal government. One time a House of Reps member pushed for the same thing. Besides, we also have cases of other countries that have tried such. 

In Egypt, young men must serve in the military for at least a year, even though some of them try to dodge it like a bullet. 

But then, look at South Korea; the military service over there is mandatory. But guess what? Those guys have structure, career benefits, and a working system, but these are things that will look at Nigeria and go, “Ah, ah, ah, I'm kidding!” 

On a serious note, though, Nigeria really needs more hands to fight insecurity. No matter the amount of money that is poured into security votes, it can never be enough. If every year, thousands of Corpers turn war-ready and are ready to defend our nation by joining the military, we would fight insecurity justly and reduce crime rates or increase accidental discharges. 

Or worse still, we could create accidental militants. I mean, just imagine Corpers that are done with war training, then no job opportunities, and no plans for them afterwards (maybe aside from controlling the crowd). That sounds like we're calling for more repentant Boko Harams. 

Anyways, before you start panicking, THIS IS JUST A PROPOSAL! The federal government hasn't agreed to it yet!

I know the title for this gist probably gave you the shivers, but don't worry. Check Edgar go whine you buy no panic! You're safe, at least until the government says otherwise.

But then, if the government decides to go ahead with this proposal, they should be ready to answer these questions.

• Are there enough resources to do this right?
• What happens to Corpers after training?
• Can they make it optional, or will we be hearing, “Fight for your country, else!”

But then we know our leaders are supposed to give us answers for one thing and make us ask questions with their actions. I think they took the saying “Act now, Ask Questions Later” too seriously.

Anyways, you can open up your call up later now, please. Hopefully, it's not you that the government will use as a test run for this proposed project. 

Meanwhile, let me go and post this to my corper friend that just passed out - sorry - signed out. 

I'll see you in Other News!