THE TALE OF MR. NIGERIA AND THE POOR GIRLS

In Other News, while you were all looking for what the woman brings to the table, Mr. Nigeria said there won't be any need for that, because he loves them empty!

Just when you thought that when next you see headlines that include a Mr. Nigeria, it will be about flexing abs, fitness talk, or scissors on projects, Mr. Nigeria Supranational, Ugochukwu Nwokolo, turned the whole situation on the internet by confessing that he's absolutely turned on by poor girls!

And no honey, I'm not talking about those who just can't afford skincare this month; I mean the ‘humble, I'll pray for you, cook your jollof, and hold down the fort’ type of poor girls. 

Funke, Osinachi! Gather here! Ugochukwu says y'all got the glow!

Dear CheckMate, please grab a stool and join me in selecting beans because this is giving Nigerian Feem. Title? The Crown Prince & The Rejected Maid! Lol.

Now, let's press play.

In a recent chat on The Honest Bunch Podcast…

By the way, who else listens to that podcast? 

Oh you do? Great! 

Just know that those people might be the reason why they shut down this country soon. 

Now that you have that in mind, let's continue.

As I was saying, in a recent chat on The Honest Bunch Podcast, the model, fitness enthusiast, and official Mr. Nigeria Supranational aggressively dropped the bombshell that poor girls-yes, poor girls - are his kryptonite. He went on and on about how poor girls have this magical combo of humility, prayer warrior vibe, and unmatchable cooking skills that just makes him want to Sungba. Dare I say, this man has discovered the hidden gem of prayer and stew?

So here's what he said exactly:

“Poor girls turn me on…The poorer the girl, the more I'm attracted to her… It's only a poor woman that will wake up by 7 am, pray for you… These women will fortify you very well in prayers, so you can be fortified to go about your daily activities. They are very good cooks because their mothers train them to be so.” 

So apparently Ugochukwu is saying that the road to his heart (and let's face it, probably to his wallet) is paved with humility, some serious kitchen skills, and daily prayer. Like he's not looking for the Jennifers that will keep reminding him that they ain't your mama. He's searching for the Nickis that will do the cooking and do the cleaning. 

Just when you thought a man of his class would be open to the high-maintenance ladies sipping champagne in VIP sections and degrees to their name, Brother Ugochukwu said, “Oh, oh, oh, I'm kidding! I love me a woman that’s less privileged, can pray, and can make me jollof rice, because that will make me rise.” (wink)

But wait, he didn't stop there. As Mr. Nigeria Supranational, Legal Advocate for the Poor (LAP), with an influence that transcends national poor women boundaries, he went on to advise his fellow men (for those who agree that he's still one of them) to join him in his search for the less privileged women. 

In his words, “Rich men, if you feel you are comfortable enough to get married, don’t go for fellow rich ladies, it’s wrong… Rich women are too busy signing contracts to pray for you… Marry the poor ones; they are the best.”

It's not just enough to want to be Oga Wife; to be qualified, your father - maybe even your generation - has to be so poor that Ngozi Ezeonu will look at you and say, “You can never marry my son!” Or Pete Edochie will write you a check to stay away from his son. Or better still, Kanayo will look at you and conclude you're the most suitable sacrifice because you're so innocently poor. Lol, please hold me before I faint!!

Now, if you think the son of Nwokolo stopped there, my dear, we've not even reached the peak!

Ugochukwu went on to say;

“There's nothing that rich women can offer you. That poor women will not offer you X2… Poor women are so fertile. If you want them to give birth back to back, count on them to deliver… Poor women are good in bed… Marry a poor woman and it will help elevate her, her family and the government, coz you're taking the burden of reducing poverty on the government.” 

Now this is where the matter gets real!! 

I know at this point you're already pulling out your swords, but please put them back. I knew this would happen; that's why I decided to keep your hands busy with beans. Now sit back down, and let's finish selecting these beans. 

With your hands, please, so drop the sword. 

Thank you. 

Now, this particular part got both the poor and the rich women thinking. I think it got everybody thinking, actually - poor, rich, middle class, women, men, and probably even the government!

First, since when did women who are doing extremely great and achieving success in all aspects of their lives become undesirable or look like a flaw in society? Whoever said being a successful woman makes you less of a good wife? Is he looking for a good wife or a poor wife? I thought ladies were the ones who “don't know what they want.” But maybe men are lacking clues too. 

One thing's for sure, though: Ugochukwu will have to do all things necessary to ensure his future daughter(s) stay poor, because that might be all they need to bring to the table. 

Second, are poor women fertile and good in bed? Well, I guess the poor women can afford the luxury to know all the positions, while the rich can't even afford to make babies. 

Anyways, Brain Jotter once said, “No be by English. Some go sabi speak English, some go intelligent; na why all of them dey go podcast.” 

What? I didn't say anything o! I just simply remembered one funny video I watched from Brain Jotter. Sorry for distracting you with my thoughts, please. Let's go back to the feem.

Third… Last I checked, Ugochukwu was crowned Mr. Nigeria Supranational and not Minister for Poverty Alleviation. So, what's with the big interest in helping the government fight poverty? Maybe he's trying to throw in some political interests, but until he comes out of the closet fully, let's all be guided, please.

But if I were a poor woman, I would be crying right now, because it's me they want to use as a tool for elevation to make Nigeria better. Chai!

I don't know if Ugo is trying to sell the dream of romanticizing poverty or pulling a fast one, but he definitely has the confidence to put it all out there and let the rest of us decide whether we're looking for a ‘poor, prayerful wife who knows their way to the kitchen’ or ‘Instagram influencers who know their way to the bank.’

One thing's for sure, though: DJ Cuppy isn't the only one who should be checking her DMs. But where will these poor women afford to get phones for that?

If you ask me, I'll say if I don't take these beans away from you now, you'll end up joining the beans with the shaft! You too like gist!!

I'll see you in Other News!!!