Soldiers vs NEPA: Who Gave Light Bill a Black Eye?

In other news, Lagos has seen many things - traffic that defies logic, every Tom, Dick, and Harry who owns a ring light automatically crowned a content creator, and corpers protesting for their food-amental human rights. But what nobody had on their 2024 bingo card was a military vs. electricity company street fight!

Yes, my dear Checkmates, it happened! Soldiers invaded Ikeja Electric’s headquarters and started sharing premium blows like they were auditioning for a Band A spot! Workers were just coming in for another day of explaining “Up NEPA!” when a battalion stormed in, led by one very determined female officer. No warning, no official complaint - just straight combat mode!

Eyewitnesses say it was like an ambush: one minute, NEPA staff were sipping morning tea; the next, they were dodging slaps and shouting, “It’s not my fault o!” Meanwhile, the police showed up to calm things down, but apparently, these soldiers were running on generator diesel fumes because they refused to back down!

Okay. Breathe, Edgar. Breathe. Mehn, I’m too excited to give you this update! Plus, I'm just coming from the scene of the crime. I actually went to beg them to remove me from the Band A that I never requested. Alright, let lemme calm down and give it to you from when and how it started.

Imagine you just got to work, barely had time to complain about traffic, and before you even open your laptop, soldiers enter the office and start distributing slaps like free samples. This was exactly what happened at Ikeja Electricity Distribution Company Headquarters on a Thursday morning.

According to eyewitnesses, the military officers didn’t come for small talk. They barged in aggressively, started rough-handling workers, and left visitors (that includes me) confused about whether they had mistakenly walked into an action movie set with no hero in sight. And leading the charge? A woman in full military uniform, looking like she had just watched Rambo before coming.

Even when the police arrived to restore order, these soldiers refused to calm down. I know we are used to seeing NEPA frustrate customers, but for once, it was NEPA staff themselves that were getting brutalised.

The reason for this unexpected WWE match? Apparently, the Ikeja DisCo had disconnected the Air Force Base’s electricity because they owed a whopping N4 billion unpaid electricity bill! 

Yes, the same military base that houses high-calibre weapons and soldiers who are fighting to defend us, including the IKEDC, from terrorists. I mean, with the number of times they have risked their lives to protect citizens, including the IKEDC - what is a common N4 billion that they can’t waive off? But then, we have had our light cut off for owing just N5,000, or worse still, not giving the NEPA official water whenever they came to visit our area. So, why should barracks be untouchable? Why were they expecting NEPA to jump on the Price Tag Challenge for them?

Anyway, NEPA staff probably thought they were following company policy, but clearly, nobody told them that when you touch military light, you’ve signed a treaty to be bamboozled.

But just when we thought the military officers had made their point, barely a week after the Ikeja Electric incident, another electricity company got dragged into the madness - Eko Electricity Distribution Company (Eko DisCo). At this point, we have to ask: did all the transformers in military barracks sign a secret pact to stop working at the same time? 

Please, if you have a relative that’s working for NEPA, the best thing you can do for them right now is drop a message on the family WhatsApp group asking them to have a stay-at-home session. They should not even work remotely because with the way it’s going, as far as your name is registered that you’re working for that day, you’re automatically signed up for premium beating.

This time, the soldiers didn’t just come for a fight - they came at night like actual terrorists, storming a substation in Badagry and kidnapping two Eko DisCo staff members! Yes, you read that right. Instead of waiting for power restoration like regular frustrated Nigerians, these guys decided to hold NEPA workers hostage! It looks like the Nigerian Army transformed into the Nigerian Abductors without a public announcement.

To make things even crazier, they showed up again the next day, threatening more workers (it looks like our soldiers are beginning to inherit traits from the terrorists they’re supposed to be protecting us from). Meanwhile, NEPA staff were trying to explain, “Oga, it’s a technical fault, not deliberate wickedness!” But at this point, it was clear - the soldiers were past the point of reasoning. 

Now, if this were just another military tantrum over power supply, we’d all laugh it off as regular drama. But there’s a bigger, way scarier reason behind this fight: the Sam Ethnan Air Force Base in Ikeja has been in total darkness for 15 days. And unlike the rest of us who have mastered the art of sleeping in heat, this base stores bombs, rockets, and high-calibre weapons and NEEDS electricity for proper storage.

An anonymous senior military officer confirmed the worst fear: without cooling systems, the rising temperatures inside these ammunition storage areas could lead to accidental detonation. In simple English, we are one transformer failure away from another 2002 Ikeja Cantonment explosion!

For those who don’t remember, the 2002 disaster was one of the deadliest explosions in Lagos' history, killing hundreds and displacing thousands. So, when Air Force personnel say they are worried, this is not just about wanting to charge phones or turn on AC - it's about uncharging and turning off a possible catastrophe. 

Now, here’s where this story gets more fishy - the Air Force Base claims they’re not chronic debtors like some Nigerian countries. According to reports from people that are inside, the base agreed to pay N60 million every month to ensure a stable power supply.

But guess what they’re getting in return? Barely 10-12 hours of electricity per day. Imagine paying for a full buffet but getting served just one spoonful of rice every six hours. But despite multiple complaints and a mountain of unpaid apologies from NEPA, the situation remains unchanged.

But at this point, the Nigerian Army shouldn’t be surprised about this turn of events because this particular issue has been NEPA's trademark for decades. We don’t bother complaining again because they never do anything about it. The only thing they manage to do is give us steady electricity… a few days before its billing date. 

See ehn, if not that my neighbour’s husband works at NEPA, I would have said that the beating they received was a long time coming. But anyways, we move.

Right now, there are only two possible outcomes:

1. NEPA quickly restores power before they carry the CEO hostage
2. The weapons depot gets too hot, and we witness another catastrophic explosion in Lagos. 

If we are being honest, both options are terrifying, but at this rate, we just hope the soldiers don’t start knocking on random streets demanding answers. Because if history has taught us anything, it’s that the military always gets its way - one way or another.

So, dear NEPA officials, if you see anyone in camouflage at your office gate, just know it’s time to start applying for remote work.

But then imagine the national grid collapsing again. What will be the fate of our dear NEPA officials? At this point, they might have to join the national grid in collapsing before the military gets there. 

Anyways, I need to help my neighbor boil hot water she'll use to press her husband's face - and yes, he works at NEPA. 

I'll see you in Other News!