ODOGWU PANRARA: THE EMPEROR, THE CHAMPION, THE GRAND SABOTEUR OF IGBO PRESTIGE

In other news, for the past 24 hours, one phrase has been slapping people left, right, and center online - Odogwu Panrara! If you haven’t seen it, my dear, are you even on the internet? Or is your network provider doing the most right now?

Well, you should know I’ve always got your back! So sit right here; let me give you updates! (Airtel network left the group chat.)

First of all, to think that we survived Valentine’s month, February, without the ultimate love movie, only for March to pull up and serve us ‘Love in Every Word’ like a well-garnished plate of Nkwobi. Nollywood really said, “Hold my cup, let me show you what lomance looks like.” (Don’t worry, my auto-correct didn’t stop working; just read it again in Chief Obiora’s accent.) 

Anyways, it's all thanks to Love in Every Word, the latest Nollywood movie that has everyone in a chokehold. Director Stanley Obi and power producers Omoni Oboli and Tony Adeoya knew exactly what they were doing because this film has got people feeling things - especially the way Chief Obiora, played by Uzor Arukwe, is serving premium Igbo husband energy.

Now, to give you a heads-up on what this movie is about, it follows Chioma, played by BamBam, a hardworking woman who was out here suffering in a relationship with a man whose only financial plan was “God will provide.” But then, Chioma decided that sapa love is not her portion, so she packed her bags and leveled up to Obiora, a wealthy, self-assured igbo businessman who steps in like a knight in shining agbada and spoils Chioma with money, confidence, and respect - three things that apparently don’t exist in one man in real life, according to your ex-girlfriends on X (you see what I did there?)

Now, while fans are out here calling Uzor “the Igbo man of our dreams” and singing, “Wait! They don’t love you like I love you,” one Facebook uncle (the only app your uncles are familiar with), known as Chidozie Odogwudozilla Nnachor, who woke up and chose cultural gatekeeping, decided we can’t enjoy peace for too long.

According to him, Uzor’s portrayal of an Igbo man is a cultural crime, a historical offense, and a direct slap to the ancestors! Apparently, this movie has “damaged the image of Igbo men” for the next 20 generations. His words, not mine. Wow! So, one film is all it takes to reset a whole tribe? Incredible.

According to Uncle Godzilla, real Igbo men don’t talk like that, mbanu! So, dear Uzor, which village did you learn your “long, drooling, cringy accent” from? Because Mazi Godzilla says no Igbo man in history has ever sounded like you.

If that wasn’t enough, Ichie Godzilla went full Elders Council Mode and declared that Uzor’s character is nothing but a “borderline stupid money-miss-road” who behaves in ways no respectable Igbo man ever would. In other words, a rich man with zero sense.

While we were out here trying to calm Ichie Godzilla down, that “it's just acting.” Godzilla was like, “Don’t tell me what I already know! This is a disgrace! A stereotype reinforcement!” 

But wait, let’s pause and process this thing.

So, because one Nollywood actor played one role in one movie, the entire history of Igbo masculinity has been thrown into the gutter? One person, with one “long, drooling, cringy accent,” has successfully erased centuries of Igbo men’s legacy?

At this point, Nollywood actors need to start signing indemnity forms before taking on roles. Because imagine thinking you’re just acting in a movie, only to wake up and realize you’ve unknowingly restructured an entire tribe. What in the bahose powers?!

And let’s not even get started on the accent slander. According to Mazi Godzilla, Uzor’s igbo accent in movies is so offensive, he’s convinced no real Igbo man has ever spoken like that in the history of mankind. 

Ewo! Is this the new crime against humanity?

But let’s be honest, shall we? If there’s one thing Nollywood has been consistent with over the years, it’s sticking to the same tropes like glue. Igbo men in movies are either stinking rich and spraying money like they own a minting machine, or they’re full-time traditionalists who believe women should be seen and not heard. 

So why is Uzor’s performance, which he’s obviously portraying from a script given to him, suddenly the one that will destroy Igbo men’s reputation beyond repair? Where was all this energy when older Nollywood movies were painting Igbo men as ritualists with one red cloth permanently tied around their waist? If we’ve started holding Nollywood actors accountable for all their on-screen behaviors, then we need to have a serious council meeting with everyone who has ever played a ritualist, wicked stepmother, Igbo salesboy, or merchant.

Ichie Godzilla has probably not reported the Father of Sacrifices (if you call his name, I’m not there o) to the Council of Elders because, I guess, he doesn’t want to be turned into the real Godzilla. 

With the way this Ichie is carrying this matter on his head, you’d think he is related to Chioma’s sapa-driven ex, and he’s trying to get justice for his brother. 

At the end of the day, we have to ask the real question: Should actors be held responsible for how their characters are perceived? Or are some people just looking for a reason to be permanently offended?

Because, as far as the internet is concerned, “Odogwu Panrara” is not just a phrase anymore; it’s a whole mood, debate, and possibly a cultural vibe, and not even Mazi Chidozie Godzilla and his Facebook community can stop it now!

Please let me go and see that movie again… for the 7th time!

I’ll see you in Other News!