The Real Reason Fubara and Wike Are Fighting (Allegedly)

While Rivers State House of Assembly members were dusting impeachment manuals and speaking in heavy constitutional grammar, people close to the situation were reportedly less interested in politics and more interested in unfinished personal business.

Because, according to several highly unreliable but very confident sources, the ongoing Fubara–Wike wahala did not begin with ideology, governance, or party supremacy.

It began in 2022, with borrowed money that never returned home.

Yes. Borrowed money.

According to one source who claims to have “been around when it happened,” one of them borrowed something small, not billions, not state funds, just something that required remembering. The kind of borrowing that starts with “I’ll send it back later” and ends with silence.

Since then, the silent beef reportedly started boiling on low heat.

No shouting. No press statements. Just vibes.

Fast forward to recently, when peace was still pretending to exist. That was when one of them allegedly liked an ex’s picture on Instagram. By mistake o. Thumb slipped. But as Nigerians know, mistakes don’t exist once screenshots are involved.

The like was quickly removed. Unfortunately, the screenshot had already travelled faster than light.

From there, things escalated.

Subtweets entered the equation. Quotes without context began appearing. Someone changed their profile picture. Another person allegedly removed the other from WhatsApp Close Friends. That was when observers knew the matter had passed the point of political resolution.

Na there e turn red.

One attempt was made to confirm facts, but our correspondent reportedly lost focus after encountering fried rice at the scene. Journalism suffered, but hunger won.

Then, just when people thought the matter couldn’t get any deeper, spiritual explanations entered the chat.

According to a second source, currently selling shawarma beside a BRT lane, the real trigger may have been metaphysical.

Apparently, during Detty December, one of them allegedly used the other’s name to play Baba Ijebu. The numbers did not drop. Since that night, tension has been spiritually high.

To make matters worse, someone reportedly saw the other in a dream holding a yam.

And as everyone knows, once yam enters a dream, betrayal has signed in.

Still, the internet might have moved on if not for one final act of disrespect: a birthday flyer that was never reposted.

Not even for one hour.

No “Happy Birthday, my brother.”

No emoji.

Nothing.

In 2026, Nigeria, that is not oversight. That is a declaration of war.

A third angle also emerged when another source claimed he overheard an argument over who first introduced who to zobo mixed with Hennessy. Sadly, we cannot verify this, as the source was allegedly high on the same combo at the time.

Meanwhile, the House of Assembly has begun impeachment proceedings with APC lawmakers attempting to remove an APC governor, reportedly to please a political godfather who is not even a member of their party.

At this point, governance has left the group chat.

So this is what I, Edgar, think.

You cannot burn down your own house just to impress a visitor. You also cannot pretend politics is serious when Instagram likes, borrowed money, Baba Ijebu numbers, and birthday flyers are still unresolved. If Rivers' politics were a movie, even Nollywood would ask for edits.

As for our sources:

·      One is currently hiding on YabaLeft after asking too many questions.

·      Another is denying everything.

·      The third has gone offline “to reflect.”

Please believe this gist at your own risk.

Edgar doesn’t lie, but politics in Nigeria sometimes behaves like gossip.