The Prayer

Okay! So I have been thinking since Tuesday, just maybe, maybe, you know. Please do not crucify me for my thoughts. I believe this is a safe space and I trust you guys. but still, if I don't talk to you guys, who will I talk to?

So I have been thinking, what if, what if, what if what I am going through, I mean this quest to find a girlfriend or partner is not a normal problem. Maybe, Just maybe it is not a physical but a spiritual problem! Wait, before you shake your head and sigh! Hear me out! I think it's a spiritual problem because I have done everything physically right to be with a partner. By now, I should be married with my second son. By my power oh, I have done everything necessary and God knows I have tried!

Go on dates, done it! Tried online dating, done it, blide date, done it, church girls, done it. Date your best friend, done it. My mom even said ugly girls last longer, I have done everything. This isn't a joke. I am serious! I also do not think it's a psychological problem. This thing is spiritual.

I have heard people say the spiritual controls the physical so many times, I don't think it does every time but I have so many reasons to believe mine is a spiritual issue. Yes! It is spiritual, this thing is spiritual. I need to wash my face or have some spiritual cleansing.

Because, why is it that whenever I find someone I like or find attractive, the moment I tell them how I feel about them and that I have feelings for them, They end up saying the very same line?

"Abeg oh! You that have so many girls around you. Stop joking abeg. Before someone breaks my head! You cannot be single! Every girl wants you.

Except the girl who is saying those lines to me. Do you know how many times I have heard ladies say " You that have so many girls around you" Aunty, if everyone is saying that who will now date me? Like I wish there was an app that we could use to scan people to know if they are single or dating. Something like a Life Scanner! You just put it on the person's forehead and then it gives you a report of the person. It will tell you the person's name, age, madness level and if the person is single.

Yes oh. I am sure it will help a lot of us. After meeting a lady for the first time and exchanging pleasantries. The moment you notice there are feelings, immediately you be like

Sorry, it is okay if I Scan you?

And she will be like "sure! You can scan me if you doubt me but I must scan you too, Deal?"

That time ehn, cheating will reduce drastically. Once you scan, you know everything. The only problem we would have would be our brothers in Aba. Those once will create fake scanners and even techniques to manipulate the original life scanners. You hear things like

"Cha Cha Cha! Buy ya life scanner here! Na mumu dey go clinic. This one na life scanner pro max +, You fit adjust am, correct am, control am, if you madness level high, you fit reduce am, if you don marry with five children, you fit tell am say you be virgin. Our Life scanner, no dey spoil life, cha cha cha! Buy ya life scanner. Buy one get one death scanner free. Na mumu dey go clinic.

But on a more serious note, I am actually not happy about my situation at all. I need help!

The second reason why I think this thing is spiritual is that I remember one time like that when I was just about to finish uni in 2017, I had an argument with one lady and it led to a series of insults and jabs.

Now back then, I had a terrible mouth! I could not fight, I still could not fight but then my mouth was wild. I will insult, Inonions and even in pepper you, you were in soup if you tried me back then. My insults were not those simple ones like, you are mad or You're a bombastic fool, no oh, my insults were heavy. I will first start by addressing two nights before your parents thought of conceiving you since that is where your problem started from. Then I will go to your parents and how they struggle to pay rent, before insulting your present and predicting your hopeless future.

My mouth was bad sha. Now I am a changed man, the holy spirit is in me If you insult me now, My response will be "God loves you" If you slap me on the left cheek, I will turn the right cheek, if you slap the right, I will bend my head, If you knock my door, I will answer with God loves you. I am a peaceful and loving young man. You should be able to tell from the sound of my voice.

Anyway, I argued with this girl back then and I can't remember what exactly led to it but it was bad. I finished her till she sat on the floor crying. I was with my guys, Fela, Tj and Nuel, we were just there laughing at the lady. By the way, she also insulted me, she said I was skinny and my head was big, that time she used to call me Eleganza. Like the pen, for some reason, the thing use to pain. She will drop stones in my chair & my bag for me to put in my pocket so that the wind will not carry me away. Very wicked girl!

But that day, I finished her. She cried and cried, but the reason I say my case is spiritual is because that day while she was crying, she said something I cannot forget. She said

'Edgar, God will punish you! You will never have a girlfriend in your miserable life"

That line sounded like a curse! Because since that day till today, My relationship life has been turning on its own! Maybe her curse worked. Or maybe I am overthinking it sha! I don't know!

Finally, is it just me or the people that we don't expect to date or be in a relationship are the ones getting married these days? Like what is going on, how can you tell me that Demilade is married? Demilade D1, like who did Demilade marry or who married Demilade? Like that boy somehow got a babe and got married before me sha! This life isn't fair! Even Nuel and Fela are dating too. Fela has a babe!

Even Steve Chuks, popular Cleopatra on Instagram has a girlfriend, Lancelot is dating, and Stanley is getting married this year. Officer Woos who follows Broda Shaggi is dating now. And you guys know how ugly that guy looks. Teejay too has a babe, Teejay is an albino by the way and he found a babe, someone that doesn't even know his left from his right!

How did I even forget Seyi? Seyi got a girlfriend before me? Like how? I could have sworn I would get married before him. He is planning to get married next year! And somehow he had the guts to send me a voicenote the other day "My G, I was thinking yeah, if you could do me the honors of being the MC for my wedding next year." Can you imagine the disrespect? Seyi, If I MC your wedding, I will end the marriage, what nonsense!

Last week I promised that today's episode is going to be different. Today I am not telling a story about my past, I am inviting you to join my future as we pray to God together. This is a matter that needs prayer and that is exactly what I am doing in this episode.

I know some of you are thinking, I will go to church or tell a pastor to pray for me, Noo oh. We are talking about the bone of my bone, my one-in-two, my one-in-one. And you think I will tell a pastor? No way, Me and God are going to talk today, ONE ONE ONE! GOD WE ARE GOING TO TALK!

And when I start to pray, I will not stop until either God talks to me directly or God reveals her face to me. It is either I hear God today, see her face or I continue praying. Enough is Enough!

You know what, I think I have said a lot of nothing. We need to fight this battle today. If you're listening to this podcast, and you love me a lot, please I don't know what you believe in, but if you believe in something and want the podcast to end, just the same way I want the podcast to end, join me in fasting and prayer.

If you can speak in tongues, speak. If you can recite the Quran, please recite. If you don't know what to do just say Amen! Just be connected with me. Whether you are a Christian, Muslim, sango worshiper or your god is a fish, you worship Panle! It doesn't matter. Join me! This is the time to come together as one and say, enough is enough hashtag Edgar Must Marry! Whether the problem is from my father's side, mother's side or it was that girl in class that cursed me, we need Edgar to be free so he can marry! Enough is Enough.

Alright, what is going to happen is this, Right now I am sitting in my dining area, I will leave my dining area and go to my bedroom, where I have my bible, my anointing oil and my manner water. So when I get there we will start praying. Let's get serious in prayer and fight this battle, I will be right back, I am going to my room! Give me a minute!

Thank you, Thank you lord! For everything you have done. In my life! Satan commot for road oh, I dey find my wife oh! I no get brake oh, I go jam you you go die!

Heavenly Father, Good afternoon Dad! How are you doing? It is me your second favorite son after Jesus Christ! My people say that the Agama lizard who refuses to shake his head will remain calm under the sand forever. Daddy, if I don't talk to you, who will I talk to? Father I have come to thank you first this afternoon before I complain about my small issue! Thank you for the gift of life, because it is the person that has life that can look for babe to marry. Many of my mates are dead, some hare life but are dead inside. Daddy thank you! Daddy thank you! You too much! Daddy thank you for this fine face, so many people are looking for this face, but they did not see it. Daddy thank you for this Voice, my special powers, thank you for giving me a voice that can move people. Some people have face, but they don't have a voice, some have a voice, and they don't have a face. Father face to face, forget disgrace, Daddy, you too try thank you. Daddy thank you for not making me Gay, that I can love a woman, Daddy you are marvelous. Daddy, you know the beginning, the middle and the end. Even before my parent thought of me, you already knew me and made me. You even know the woman I will marry and how my son, Edgar Junior will look, fine boy, Daddy we are grateful. On behalf of me and my future partner, the one you will give me today, we say thank you! Daddy Thank you!

Three Gbosa for you, Gbosa! Gbosa! Gbosa! Extra Gbosa for you, Gbosa!

Daddy, I know you're a very busy man, so I will not waste your time. Can you hear it? Can you feel it? The voices are getting loud oh. See, the people are talking Daddy, they are laughing at me. Because I am single, Daddy give me babe! I know your time is perfect but my time is going. Daddy, I am tired! What have I not done? If you can divide the Red Sea, make the lame work, out of sleep with air, you make woman, then what is babe you cannot do? Babe? Cmon Babe! Daddy, snap your fingers, let her appear! This is upsetting me because it is like I am asking you to do something you have already done. Daddy, please show your workings. Do something Answer me in the name of Jesus!

Heavenly Father, am I not fine? Am I not handsome? I am too sexy to be single, Daddy give me babe. Daddy if i'm not fine, what about Caterefe? We both know that Caterefe looks more like a zombie than a zombie. If Cater Efe can get married then why shouldn't I? Daddy give me babe. God hear my voice naa! See Baritone, Baritone that sounds like your own! This voice is huge, Daddy! If Officer Woos, who is a stamara can have babe, then why shouldn't i? Daddy give me babe.

Daddy, Please I am brilliant, hard working, tall and creative. If Bamise, Bamise that is down to earth, If Bamise can have babe with that height, then it's high time i have my own! Daddy Give me babe in JESUS NAME!

Daddy I have a car, a have house, I have two jobs and a steady income, but Nuel that doesn't have car, jumps from house to house, doesn't have a job or income, he is the one that now have babe, God why? Why? Why will you allow my enemies to laugh at me!

Even Steve Chuks who is half man, half woman, he has a babe! Daddy I am a complete man and i am single. Daddy, Pamilerin is married. A man that can roll his waist, Broda Shaggi has a babe, daddy even tout are dating before your favourite son after Jesus, daddy no now, vindicate me.

Look, Daddy, I know You see everything. I mean, You see all the good I do, right? Let's just take a moment to review my credentials here. I'm a good guy, like, genuinely good. Even if it is by sin, you know that my sins are not many, maybe 2 or three per day compared to someone like Fela and Nuel, those ones cannot do without sinning five times every minute.

I go to church every Sunday, every Sunday. Not just on Christmas and Easter like some people I know. Wale I didn't call your name! I even sing in the choir. Okay, I'm not exactly on key, but it's the thought that counts, right? I volunteer at church events. I help Sister Nkechi sell her puff-puff after service, and I only take one free puff-puff as my reward. Just one! Daddy give me babe!

I'm also quite humble. I mean, look at me now, listing all these things, not to boast, but to remind You, Lord, of who I am. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm definitely top 10 in the 'Single Nigerian Men Who Are Ready for Marriage' category. I even cook! I make the best indomie in my whole compound, ask anyone. And I'm sure if I had a wife, I'd cook for her too... sometimes. At least when Arsenal match isn't on.

So, Lord, I'm just saying... I think I've proven myself to be a good candidate. I'm not asking for a supermodel or a billionaire's daughter, although, if that's Your plan, who am I to argue? I'm just asking for someone who sees me for me. Someone who can appreciate a man who makes effort... and the occasional badly burnt jollof rice.

Lord, I'm really trying to understand here. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, but... I'm definitely not worse than Chinedu. You know who I'm talking about, Chinedu, that boy does not come to church except when they are sharing food! A chronic sinner. God you know he smokes right? The same Brother Chinedu who's out there, living his best life with not one, but two girlfriends. Two, Daddy! And I'm here, begging for just one. Daddy give me Babe!

And what about Amaka? Lord, I know You see her! She's been married three times. Three! And she's still going around, collecting more proposals like they're akara on a Sunday morning. I'm not trying to gossip, Lord, you know I'm not one for idle talk, but even You know she can't cook to save her life! Her jollof rice tastes like... well, I don't want to lie in Your presence, Lord, but You know. If that woman can continually find partner, then what about me lord. Daddy, I need babe!

And then there's Williams. Now, I'm not saying anything, but we all know his "business trips" are just excuses to go and see "business partners" in Abuja. Yet, somehow, he has a girlfriend who adores him. They even call themselves 'Pinky and the brain', Daddy, me that i have brain, I have not seen babe. Daddy please!

So I just have to ask, Lord... is there something I'm missing here? Because it seems like the people who aren't even trying that hard are the ones who have found their partners. Meanwhile, I'm out here playing by the rules, attending Bible study, singing in the choir, and what do I get? More male friends. Boys boys boys! Daddy, give me girls, girls girls!

Look, I'm not trying to question Your judgment, You're the Almighty, after all, but it just seems like some people are getting special treatment, and I'm just asking for my own babe too.

Lord, I'm happy for all these people, truly. I'm not a hater. I just want a little taste of that joy, you know? A little "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" situation. Is that really too much to ask? Or do I need to go to Abuja and become a "business partner" too?

Edgar your food is ready! Should i bring it to your room?

No put it on the dining table, I am coming!

God you see! You see how i love and respect you, I am meant to be eating yam and pepper soup but the I am that I am has decided to put me in pepper soup. Daddy I am not leaving here till you answer me.

Okay, God, let's talk about the past for a moment. I know You say all things work together for good, but I've got to ask, were all those relationships part of some divine lesson plan? Because if they were, I must have missed the memo.

Take, for example, Folake. You remember her, right? She was the lady i dated after secondary school, from college that year.. I thought she was the one, Lord. I really did. Everyone thought it was folake. But then, out of nowhere, she told me she was moving to the UK to "find herself." Lord, what does that even mean? Daddy find me a babe!

Father I know that sometimes, me too i am not okay. But you can blame me, Nigerian women will stain your white. The other day, I went on a date with Franka, that girl was eating like a goat, she actually stained my white, or is it Chinyere that actually put sand sand inside my garri. Daddy find me a babe!

Or what about Racheal? I know she was a test, Lord. I'm convinced You sent her to build my patience. I tried to be understanding when she said her father has more cups than arsenal my favorite football team. I let that slide, Lord, but when she started calling me Edgar the umbrella, I knew that was a sign from You that it wasn't meant to be.

But honestly, God, was there something I was supposed to learn from all this? Was it about humility? Patience? Or was it just about learning how to avoid ladies with weird hobbies? I mean, you know ibadan girls and how they like to dip their bread inside tea!

Daddy everyone thinks I am already dating, I cannot date myself. Daddy take a look at me, am I not a man? Daddy, give me babe. Yes, i am skinny, i have no chest, beards or parks so does Akin, but Akin has a babe. The worst part is that my voice is deeper than Akins own. Daddy, can you believe that Akin is now giving me advice on how to get babe, Akin of all people. Daddy give me babe! Daddy even Fela has babe, Fela that is living in Ikorodu, how many girls are in Ikorodu? But you still made a way where they seems to be no way! Daddy do it for me too.

Daddy, all i need is a sign! Daddy a sign that shows that you are with me! Daddy have mercy on me! And show me the sign or the face of the girl in my dream, billboard or somewhere sha!

Okay, God, let's make a deal. If You bless me with a wife this year, I promise, I mean promise, to be a better person. I'll attend all night vigils and wednesday service. I'll stop coming late to service. I'll even stop pretending to sing when I don't know the lyrics to the hymns. No more mumbling through "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" like I'm speaking in tongues!

I'll give bigger offerings, Lord! No more 100 Naira, 2k upwards. I'll even tithe from the first fruits of my side hustle, okay, maybe not the first fruits, but definitely the second fruit! And, Lord, I promise to stop sneaking out of church to check Livescore and Instagram pages.

I'll do better, I swear. I'll stop gossiping about Sister Amaka's failed marriages. I'll stop making fun of Jude's wife, that one that doesnt have teeth in the middle, well, I'll try. And I'll never, ever, ever skip Bible study again... unless it's during a Champions League final. But even then, I'll record it and watch the replay! Daddy please!

Just give me a chance, Lord. I'll be the best husband material there ever was. I'll wash plates, I'll sweep, I'll even learn to like Korean movies. Just... help me out here. I'm ready to change. I really am. Just send someone my way, a "Proverbs 31" kind of lady who doesn't mind a "Psalm 13" kind of guy who's still waiting for his breakthrough.

Daddy, I am tired of meeting mad people. I want a babe! Daddy if what is stopping me from finding babe is sin, daddy delete! Daddy delete. Wash me clean and forgive me daddy.

Lord, You know my heart. You know how hard it is to go to bed every night, alone, in this cold, empty room. It's just me, my pillow, and sometimes, the sound of the neighbor's generator disturbing in the background. Lord, it's tough. My pillow has seen enough tears to fill a swimming pool. I'm tired of talking to myself like I'm some motivational speaker in the mirror.

And don't even get me started on these lonely Friday nights. I'm here, Lord, just sitting in my room, watching couples on Instagram feed each other suya and drink chapman, while I'm feeding myself beans and garri like somebody without vision. I'm just asking for a little human connection. Is that too much? God even if it is dwarf, give me dwarf. I will take dwarf.

I even tried getting a pet to keep me company. I bought a goldfish, Lord. Named it Moses, thinking it might lead me to my own Promised Land. But Moses died after a week. I'm not saying that's a sign, but it doesn't help, Lord. It really doesn't help.

Lord, I'm not asking for a burning bush or a pillar of fire like in the old days. Just a little sign, something simple to let me know I'm on the right path. Maybe a dream, a voice, a text message from an unknown number saying, "Hey, I think you're cute." I'd even take a WhatsApp status update at this point, Lord!

Or how about this? If You want me to meet my future wife, just let me know. Make it rain right now. Not too heavy, just a light drizzle. Or maybe let Nepa bring light for more than three hours in this house. That would be a miracle on its own.

Or maybe, if I'm supposed to meet her today, let my phone ring in the next 10 seconds. I'm not saying You have to do it, Lord, but it would be nice. I've already paid my NEPA bill and topped up my airtime. I'm ready, Lord.

Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one…

Alright, I get it, Lord. Maybe You need more time. Or maybe she's just on her way. But please, could You at least send me a confirmation email? A text? Something to keep my hope alive?

Okay, Lord, let's sweeten the deal. I promise, if You send me a wife, I'll volunteer every weekend at the church. I'll join the ushering team and even dedicate my first son to the work of the kingdom!

And I'll be a better son to my mother. I'll call her every day, not just when I need food or money. I'll take her to the market and even sit through her endless stories about her youth and the different issues she faces at her farm every day.

Daddy you know that i always obey you. When you talk I listen, I dont argue! Daddy just give me babe. Daddy, you know my heart is kind, my conscience is peaceful. Daddy I am ready for a woman! Daddy you know i am kind, patient and a good listener. I help people, i even do give away, daddy the other day I helped one women cross the street, when she wanted to give me money, I said no, My reward is coming, the other day I washed my neighbours car becuase it was dirty, he wanted to give me money, I said No, my reward is coming. Daddy, I am waiting for my reward. Give me babe! I have fasted and prayed!

I know youre creating a perfect match for me, but should i shock you, I dont want a perfect match. Just give me babe. You said in your word ask and it shall be given unto you, Daddy I am asking for babe now. Just babe, nothing more, just babe. Ondinary babe, simple babe. Give me babe! You said seek and you will find, Daddy, I am seeking for babe, Daddy, give me babe. You said knock and it will open, daddy I am knocking for babe Daddy give me babe. I am asking for babe!

Daddy, there are over 1million girls in this world, you cannot tell me that you have not created my own. Daddy send her my way, or direct me to her. Let me meet her and know that this is my own.

I dont have spec, i am specless. Abeg has no choice. Abeg! Abeg!

You know what, Lord? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Maybe this is Your way of telling me to focus on my career, or to become one of those uncles who always has good advice but never any evidence of applying it in his own life. Maybe I'm just destined to be the "wise single guy" everyone invites to their weddings for comic relief. Afterall, I am a good MC.

Maybe this is just my lot in life. Maybe I'm meant to walk this road alone. Maybe I'm meant to be like Paul, single and focused. Or worse, like Jeremiah, who had to preach without any fans or followers. No 'likes,' no 'shares,' just me and my thoughts in the streets of lagos. But Lord, if I'm being honest, I don't know if I have the strength for that. I don't know if I can keep up this lonely journey much longer. It's hard, Lord. Real hard.

But You know what, Lord? I'm not going to give up that easily. I'm still here, still praying, still believing. Maybe this is all part of Your divine comedy. Maybe You're just up there, having a good laugh, waiting for me to reach this very moment.

So I'm going to keep praying, Lord. I'm going to keep showing up, keep hoping, and keep trusting that somewhere out there, there's someone who's praying this same prayer, asking for a man just like me. And when that day comes, when our paths finally cross, I promise I'll know it's You who made it happen.

And when that day comes, Lord, I'll make sure to send You a thank-you card, or at least give a shout-out in the wedding program. "Special thanks to the Almighty for making this happen." And maybe, just maybe, we can laugh about all this together someday.

I anoint my head with oil and cover myself with the blood of Jesus! Any mad woman that comes my way, I dorge and pass in the name of Jesus! I cover my lips with oil, my mouth will not put me in trouble, and my words will make her fall in love and marry me in Jesus' name, amen! I anoint my hands with oil, as I am shaking and touching them, they fall for me in Jesus' name, I anoint my legs with oil, and I will not walk into problems or run into confusion in Jesus' name.

Any man that is presently talking to my babe, holy ghost fire! When my babe sees other men, let her see cows everywhere. Big big cows. In Jesus name. I cover myself with the blood of Jesus, I cover my babe with the blood of Jesus. I cover my listeners with the blood of Jesus.

For in Jesus, precious name I have prayed!

Who is this one calling me now? Hello.

Hi, is this Edgar?

Yes this is Edgar, how may I help you, please?

My name is Grace, i got your number from the house manager, he said there is a vacant space. I am downstairs and would like to check it out if it's possible.

Okay! Grace are you getting it for yourself or someone else?

I am getting it for myself, why?

Nothing Nothing. Please don't be offended, How old are you and are you married?

Okay! I am 24 and I am not married.

Okay I am coming downstairs now.

Okay! No Problem!

Okay, I don't know if it is only me but I have a feeling God just answered my prayers. You know what, I will see you guys later. Fingers crossed.

And that's the end of this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed the prayer. If you did, then don't forget to subscribe, and share this podcast with those who are single, dating or married. Rate the podcast and drop a comment. And yes, you can donate to support the podcast. This thing cost me an arm and a leg. My sound editor is asking for a raise, before he beats me, please drop something, since you have heard the prayer it is only okay to drop an offering after the service. 3 dollars will go a long way.

If you have a story to share then please send it to me through my email address edgar@checkedgar.com or for a quicker response chat me with the chatbox on my website www.checkedgar.com, I will respond in 3 hours, I promise. Edgar doesn't lie!

I have received over 25 different stories from different checkmates around the world and all I can say is that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Remember, the podcast ends the day I get married, so don't forget to tell your beautiful friend that Edgar is single and would love to go on a date with her. If that lady is you, send a message to my email address at edgar@checkedgar.com. Let's talk.