Nkechi Leave Me Alone Please!!! (Part 2)

Who is disturbing my life this early morning?

Yeah, hello?

Hey baby! I am finished. Completely ruined. I don't know what to do with my life.

Nkechi, calm down! What's going on?

Baby, it is my grandmother. Someone just called my Uncle to tell him that my grandmother is dead.

Jesus! So sorry, my baby! Relax okay! This world is dark! Wait! Did you say your grandmother?

Yes.

The same grandmother?

Yes.

I thought I sent you some money the other day to bury your grandmother?

Hello, Edgar! Can you hear me?

Yes, I can hear you! Are you there?

Hello, Edgar! Hello! Hello!

I hope she is okay! Well, CheckMates, welcome to the second and final part of the episode titled "Nkechi, Leave Me Alone." This is Why Am I Still Single, and Edgar doesn't lie.

[Theme music]

Okay CheckMates, welcome to another beautiful episode of the Why Am I Still Single podcast. The second best podcast in Nigeria.

This is part two of the episode "Nkechi, Leave Me Alone." If you haven't listened to part one, please, I am begging you, pause this and go back. Because if you start from here, I am going to sound like a man who has been possessed by about 50 demons and needs spiritual cleansing from his spiritual wife!

“Nkechi, leave me alone. Leave me alone!!! Leave me alone!!!”

Now, for those of you who listened, but your memory is like my ex girlfriend's account balance, very small and hardly saves anything for more than 30 minutes, let me quickly remind you of what happened.

Out of desperation to find a girlfriend, I put my direct WhatsApp number on my website, checkedgar.com. And different types of people messaged me. One that tickled my fancy was Nkechi. Nkechi told me emotional things about the podcast. She told me this podcast saved her on the nights she felt depressed.

We started talking, and then she asked for my address so she could send me a gift. I sent her my house address, a big mistake. The gift arrived in a red Sienna, only for me to realize that the gift was Nkechi in the flesh with a travelling box.

She entered my house, she entered my bathroom, she had her bath, and when I asked her to go, she looked me in my eye, inside my own sitting room, and told me

Leave me alone.

It's funny how the very same statement she made is the title of the episode. I am sure that at the end of today’s episode you will understand better why Nkechi needs to leave me alone.

Back to the story. Nkechi refused to leave my house. Then Cordelia, my neighbour, the same Cordelia I called a foolish goat on this podcast, came upstairs and carried her out like a dustbin bag. She threw her outside in one piece and warned her never to come to my house again.

She added some insults in Igbo; only God knows what she meant.

That same night, Nkechi called to say Cordelia broke her neck and tore her lips. And instead of just saying sorry and moving on, I became Mr Too Caring and loving and started digging my grave. Nkechi asked me to pay for her physical and mental health, and I did; I sent her 65,000 naira for a broken neck and torn lips that were talking properly to me on the phone.

Think about it. A neck that is broken, forming full sentences. Did I ask questions? No. Instead, I asked for her account number.

From there, we went on an ice cream date, and it was beautiful. Because of this girl, Lancelot said our friendship was over. Chukwudubem said his nose was perceiving problems, and I told him to keep his big nose out of my business. Cordelia said I owe her something I do not even know.

And Nkechi told me she hoped to see me in her dreams.

That night for the first time in a long time, I said to myself, Maybe she is the one. Maybe Nkechi is the lady to end this single life of mine.

But I serve a living God. I told you that I first saw signs before Nkechi showed me wonders.

CheckMates, today is the day of wonders.

In this episode, I am going to tell you all the signs and wonders Nkechi showed me. This episode includes her younger brother, her mother, a pastor, the Nigerian stock market, and her grandmother, who refused to stay dead.

One more thing before we start. As I am recording this, I want you to know that there is a particular number that has been disturbing my line since last night, and I have a weird feeling. I know who it is, so I don't want to pick it.

Please, if you hear it ring, just ignore it the way I am ignoring it.

Okay. Let us continue with Nkechi!

The first sign came the very next morning after she told me she

Good night, Edgar. I hope to see you in my dreams!

I woke up around 7 am, and as usual, I checked my phone to see if there was anything interesting happening online. That was when I saw 29 missed calls from Nkechi and one weird message! I started panicking: what would make Nkechi call me 29 times within the space of five to six hours?

I hope she hasn't been kidnapped. Now this was the message I saw.

Good morning, my love. I guess you must be asleep, my love. I hope I am not disturbing you, my love!

First of all, how did we get to my love? Checkmates, we had gone on one ice cream date. One. Yes, we talked about a lot of interesting things, but we didn't have any romantic conversation. If one ice cream is already getting me three my love, I wonder what a plate of jollof rice or a new iPhone will get me.

Maybe 25, my husband and 68, the anchor of my soul.

Anyways, I was shocked to see her call me her love. Also, you guess I must be asleep? Of course I was asleep. What do you think I would be doing around 3 am in the morning?

Someone who had sense would have said, " This is moving too fast; slow her down” But I am not a wise man. I am a desperate single man. There is a difference. So I picked up my phone and replied her with this.

Good morning, Nkechi, my dear. How are you?

I am fine. I miss you already, my love.

I hope all is well my dear! I missed your calls!

So sorry my love! I wanted to hear your voice before I start my day!

You see life! While others are waiting to hear the voice of God before they start their day, Nkechi is waiting to hear mine. I smiled. I won't lie to you; I smiled like a goat that has just seen tubers of yams in an abandoned farm.

I haven't felt like this in a while. The last lady that told me something this sweet is presently married with two kids and expecting her third child.

That was how we started talking every day. Morning, afternoon, night. If I didn't call her, she would call me. If I didn't reply in ten minutes, she would ask if I was angry. If I posted anything online, she was the first person to comment.

One day I posted a picture on my Instagram story, and within thirty seconds, Nkechi sent me a message.

Why are you looking so fine today, my love?

Today? So on other days I don't look fine?

You always look fine. I just wanted to remind you, my love.

Ah! My brothers and sisters, at this point, the voices in my head were no longer saying Give her a chance. They had changed their song. They were saying, Marry her. Marry her now. Call your mother. She is the one!

I started thinking, maybe Chukwudubem was jealous. Maybe Lancelot was just a hater. Maybe Cordelia was just a bitter person who did not want another woman in the compound. Maybe everybody was wrong, and I, the man who sent 65k to fix a broken neck, was the only one with sense.

You know, our people have a saying…

One minute guys!

Who is this person that is disturbing my life? That unknown number is calling again. I don't know who it is. There is someone that borrowed me 300,000 Naira, and ever since he gave me that money, he has been disturbing me to pay him, like his life is attached to the money.

I have said it so many times to him: I will pay you; just relax. I am sure he is the one disturbing my line with another number. I won't pick it. I won't. How much is 300k that you want to blow up my phone?

Where was I? Yes. I was talking about our people. Our people have a saying: “The housefly that refuses to allow the palm wine rest is only planning to dance in the belly of the palm wine tapper."

Then one evening, about a month after the date, she called me. Her voice was different. It was shaking like someone who went swimming in the Red Sea for the first time. I had to beg her to calm down and tell me what was going on.

Nkechi, what is going on? What’s wrong?

Please, don't worry about me, baby. I don't want to bother you.

Now, CheckMates, let me teach you something for free. Anytime a person tells you, “I don't want to bother you," just know that they have come to bother you. It is one of the oldest lies and tricks in Nigeria. It is from the same family as “I am almost there”

and “I will call you back.” If someone tells you I will call you back, just know the person will never call you again and if they say I am almost there, without mentioning the there, just know the person hasn't even had their bath.

If someone especially a lady, tells you not to worry, I beg you in the name of whatever you serve, do not worry. End the call or move on! Listen to the foolish response I gave. Mr Sweet and Caring!

Nkechi, you are not bothering me. What is it? Please talk to me.

My love! It is my younger brother. He is not feeling well.

Immediately, I became serious. I asked her what happened. She said he had been sick for some days and the hospital had given them a list of drugs to buy. I asked her

How much are we talking about, please?

No love, forget it. I am embarrassed. I should not have said anything.

Nkechi, just tell me, please!

It is just 20k.

Twenty thousand naira.

Now I want you to understand my thinking, because that night it made sense. This lady has said she wants to end this podcast. That means this boy is not just her brother. He is my future brother-in-law. If 20k is all I need to prove to her and her family that I am capable, then it's fine.

Someone has asked me to send her 2 million Naira before, that she wants to buy Kidney. Are you kidding me? Compare 2 Million to 20k. It's small na! I don't even consider this one as billing, to me its an important family investment.

So I sent it.

She thanked me. She cried. She prayed for me. She said God will bless me, God will enlarge my coast, my helper will locate me. I said amen to all. She said she would never forget what I did for her family.

And honestly, I felt good. Not because I gave out money. I felt good because I felt useful. For the first time in a long time, I felt like the kind of man that somebody needed.

By the way, do not forget that statement. Very important.

But let me remind you of something from last week. Remember the three types of people that enter my WhatsApp? The doubters, the beggars, and the ones that come to toast. I told you Nkechi finished the whole syllabus and graduated with distinction.

CheckMates, Nkechi decided to show me another Sign. This time I started feeling funny about the whole thing.

A few days after I paid for her brother’s drugs, I called her to find out how her brother was doing. I just wanted to say hello to my in-law. I said, “Can I please say hello to your brother? Let me greet him."

She first said he wasn't in her room, then later said he was sleeping. I asked the next day. He was sleeping. The day after, He was sleeping. This boy slept for one week. I started praying, God don't let this boy pass from sleep to sleep, oh!" Because I don't understand why he is always sleeping whenever I call.

Two weeks later, on a Sunday evening, my phone rang. I checked. It was Nkechi. I picked up but didn't hear voices. Nobody was talking. I could only hear crying in the background. Not the fine crying that they do in movies oh. I am talking about real tears, the one that comes with mucus and those slimy catarrh!

Nkechi? Nkechi, talk to me. What's happening? Who is crying in the background?

Hey love, I don't know how to tell you this. Can we talk later?

I am not leaving this call until you say something!

My mummy is gone.

Gone to where?

I know. I know. Don't judge me. It was the shock. My head was everywhere.

Edgar, my mother is dead.

Checkmates, I sat down on the floor. Not the chair. The floor.

Because what do you say to that? What's the best response to someone in that situation? When a person calls you crying and says My mother is dead, what do you say? You cannot say “are you sure?” You cannot say “send picture.” You cannot ask for death certificate like you work in immigration.

If you ask one question and it turns out to be true, you are seen as a wicked man for the rest of your life. They will use you as an example in church.

So, I guess the only thing you can do at that point is say sorry and pray for them. That is all you can say. I said sorry about fifteen times.

She told me her mother had been sick for some time, but they thought she was getting better. Then she said the sentence that finished me.

Edgar love, I don't have anybody. It is only you I have.

Only me. Me that she met on WhatsApp the other day.

I asked her if she needed anything. She said nothing. I asked again. She said, " No, Edgar, you have done enough. I asked a third time. Yes. I was the one begging to be billed. I told you last week, these people have a way of begging you until it feels like you are the one begging them.

The family is contributing to the burial. Everybody has to bring something. I don't have anything to bring.

How much is your own part?

Just 100k.

I looked at my phone. I looked at my account balance. I looked at my life.

Then I sent it. One Hundred thousand Naira!

And I want to be honest with you, because Edgar doesn't lie. To be honest, I did not regret. Even today, as tired as I am, I will not sit here and tell you I regret sending money to somebody who said her mother died.

If I hear that story tomorrow from another person, I will probably do it again. Am I asking you to kill your mother for 100k? No! But I guess that is the problem with being a good person in this country. The moment a nigerian notices your strength, they turn it into a weakness and then a business plan.

The only thing that pained me was that she called 100k Just. My father will always say, if you work hard for your money, never call it just or spend it like it is just. Spend it with the consciousness of the sweat that went into it.

A few days later I asked her a simple question on WhatsApp. I said, “Nkechi, when is the burial? I would like to come and pay my respect to your late mother.”

It took her two days to respond. Someone that usually responds almost immediately especially when I ask her to send her account number. This time it took her just two days.

Next week.

Okay. What day?

Another two days!

Edgar, why are you asking me all these questions? Are you suspecting me? My mother just died, and you are interrogating as if you're the police.

And CheckMates, Instead of pushing further to know when her mother was getting buried, I apologised. Me. I said sorry. The man that paid for the burial, apologised for asking the date of the burial. But come to think of it, how much did I pay?

It was just 100k, so I kept quiet and killed the topic.

After some weeks, I and Nkechi started chatting again and things became sweet again. She resumed her Good morning my love and I resumed my Good night my dear.

She was sending me voice notes. She even started sending me Bible verses in the morning, and you know when a woman is sending you Bible verses, you relax and conclude in your mind, No! this one fears God.

She told me about her family. Her late mother. Her brother. Her childhood in Enugu. And her grandmother. There was no day she didn't mention her grandmother. If she isn't talking about how mama raised her, it is about how mama used to sell [akara] to send her to school.

I never saw the grandmother but Nkechi made me know her without seeing her.

Then one Saturday morning I woke up to a message on WhatsApp.

Edgar, please call me.

I called immediately, Nkechi picked up crying again.

Nkechi, what is it?

My grandmother is dead.

I sat up on my bed.

WHAT?

Checkmates, my heart started shaking! In less than two months. Her brother was ill, she lost her mother and her amazing grandmother? What is really going on?

Now I am not trying to be insensitive. People lose people. But this family had more emergencies than a general hospital.So this time I was careful. I did not ask what she needed. I remember this was the first time I called her love instead of dear.

I said “I am so sorry love. God knows best”and then I kept quiet. Nkechi replied after some seconds.

By the way, I didn't call to ask for anything. I just wanted to hear your voice.

You see? I felt bad immediately. I said, Edgar, you are a wicked person. This girl just wanted to hear your voice, and you were there calculating money you do not have. I felt really sad.

We talked. She cried. I comforted her over the phone. Three minutes. Four minutes. After crying for about seven minutes. Nkechi said.

Edgar, please, can you help me with something?

Of course. Of course! How can I help you my love?

Edgar, please, I will need 100k for the burial of my sweet grandmother.

Here is the crazy thing! We are not even dating or married and I already have some family responsibilities. What if I now marry you? But in order not to sound or seem insensitive. I brought out my phone to send it.

How much did you say again?

Just 100k but you can do more

I shook my head. Just again! Even the price was the same. It was like the family had a rate card. I sent it. I sent it, and then I sat on my bed and looked at the wall, and for the first time, I did the mathematics.

65k for the broken neck. 20k for the brother. 100k for mummy. 100k for sweet grandma.

That's 285,000 naira minus the money spent on Icecream.

CheckMates, each episode of this podcast costs me about 300,000 naira to make. From my own pocket. This family had collected more than half of an episode, and none of them had ever appeared on the show.

I said to myself, Edgar, you are not dating a girl. You are dating a family. You are their emergency fund. Their HMO! You are the Ministry of Family Emergencies, Lagos office. AH! I was upset. I started thinking of 1000 things I could do with 285,000 Naira.

I needed to talk to somebody. So I called Lancelot. It rang. He did not pick. I called again. He cut it. You remember he told me not to ever call him if I went on the Ice cream date with Nkechi. So I knew that the goat wasn't going to pick, I just tried my luck.

After a while I called one of my home boys!

I called Fela.

Edgar, how far?

Fela, I dey. Abeg, where are you?

I dey one party like this with Lanz.

Of course. Lancelot is always at a party waiting for them to share food and drinks.

Give him the phone.

He said he is not talking to you. But he said I should put you on speaker.

So I told Fela everything. The brother. The mother. The grandmother. And in the background I could hear Lancelot.

Fela, ask am. If na the same girl wey baff for him house, wey talk say she no dey commot?

Yeah she is.

Ask am. If na the same girl wey neck break, come still dey lick ice cream?

Yes.

The same one wey I say make he report to police?

Lancelot, I can hear you. Yes.

Fela, tell am say I no dey talk to am. But tell am say I no know whether to call am my friend or call am cow because na only cow go mumu like that.

Everybody at that party laughed. I could hear them. People I don't even know. People that had not eaten. I was upset, so I ended the call.

That same evening, Chukwudubem called me. Apparently, Fela had told him and Nuel everything that happened.

Edgar, I just want to ask you three questions.

Chuks, what is it?

This Nkechi. Have you met anybody from her family?

No.

Have you been to her house?

No.

Do you even know where she is staying?

She said she is staying with her friend.

What is the name of the friend?

By the way, that was the fourth questions but I did not know the name of the friend, and he was making sense, so I told him No!

Edgar, you don't know this woman. I can smell a thief from a mile away.

And because he was right, I insulted him. That is what we do. I told him he was jealous. I told him seven girls had told him no in three months, and that is why his nose was smelling other people's relationships. I told him the blind cannot lead the blind.

He was shocked and then I ended the call.

But that sentence followed me home. You don't know this woman.

So that night, just to prove him wrong, I asked Nkechi to send me a picture from her mummy's burial. As usual she said the network was bad. I asked the next day. She didn't reply me until the third day. Then she sent me a picture.

One picture. People in black, standing under a canopy.

I immediately forwarded it to Chukwudubem with one message. “This is the picture of the burial. Shame on you and your big nose.”

If I had known, I wouldn't have sent it.

Now to the part I have been waiting for. About [five days] after I paid for her grandma's burial, Nkechi called me. And this time she was not crying. She was happy. Superlatively happy. The same kind of happiness 30bg fans will get if Davido ever won a grammy.

Edgar! Edgar! God has done it!

Done what?

My grandmother is alive!

I removed the phone from my ear. I looked at it. I checked the contact I was talking to. Then I put it back.

Sorry, who?

Mama! She woke up!

Woke up from where?

Our family pastor came to pray for the family before the burial. He laid his hand on her, and she coughed. Edgar, she coughed! She is sitting up as I am talking to you. She has even asked for pap.

Pap.

Checkmates, wait! Let me explain something before you people start sending me messages.

I am a child of God. I believe in miracles. I am not here to argue with what God can do. If God says a woman should cough and ask for pap, who is Edgar to say no?

So I said what any good Christian brother would say.

Praise the Lord.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah. God is good! Please Greet mama for me.

We even sang a little. I am not joking. She raised a chorus on the phone, and I joined. Because I told you, I had feelings for this grandmother.

But after the call ended, I was lying on my bed, and something entered my mind. I started thinking. If mama woke up, then nobody buried mama.

And if nobody buried mama, then nobody used my 100k. And if nobody used my 100k, then I should be able to get it back!

You understand? I paid for a burial. The burial did not hold. In any other business in this world, that is a refund. If I pay for a wedding hall and the wedding is cancelled, I collect my money. If I buy a ticket and the flight does not go, even the airline will give me something.

Eventually. Except some mad Nigerian airlines with brain tumor.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. “Ah, Edgar, how can you ask a woman for refund when her grandmother just came back to life? Are you not happy for them?” I am happy! I am very happy for mama. I believe it is possible to be happy and still want my 100k.

After all it is just 100k. No big deal.

So the next morning I called Nkechi. I greeted her. I asked after mama. She said mama was eating well. I said Glory be to God.

Then I cleared my throat.

Nkechi. Since the burial is no longer happening, I was thinking. Can I have the 100k back?

Nkechi didn't answer immediately.

Checkmates, what this lady told me: I am still recovering from it. I will tell you right after this. Don't go anywhere. Edgar doesn't lie.

[Promo break: Laugh & Sip]

Welcome back, beautiful people! So I asked Nkechi for my 100k. This was what she said.

Ah. Edgar, the money is not with me again.

Where is it?

I have used it to buy stocks for you.

You bought what?

Stocks.

Who asked you to buy me stocks?

You did.

Me? When?

Remember the day we were talking about Dangote?

CheckMates, let me tell you what happened. One day we were gisting on the phone, just normal gist, and I mentioned that Dangote shares were trending and everybody was talking about them. And I said, me too, when my salary enters, I will buy a little.

So that I can claim ownership of some of the Dangote trucks around my area. I was clearly joking the day I said it. Everyone joked about it at some point.

That was conversation. I did not say, “Nkechi, please take your grandmother's burial money and become my stockbroker.” Even if I wanted to buy it, would I use the money for the burial?

Okay. So where are the shares?

They are there.

There where?

In my account.

In your account.

Yes, but they are for you.

Nkechi, that is not how ownership works!

LOL. OMG. I am screaming. I am seriously screaming.

Nkechi got upset!

So this is the thanks I get? I was trying to secure your future. You know other girls will use your money to buy hair right?

I was getting upset. So I told her to….

Same number. Again. This boy should leave me alone now. Anytime I am talking about money, that is when his spirit will rise and start monitoring me. I will pay you your 300k, Abubakar. Leave me alone, ah!

I am not picking up. Let me finish my story in peace.

So I told her to sell the shares and send me my money. She said okay. She said she would do it on Monday. Monday came; she said the market was down, that if she sold now I would lose, that she was protecting me.

The next week, she said the app was not opening. The week after that, she said the friend that helps her with the account had travelled.

CheckMates, I have been waiting for that 100k the way you wait for the ATM to dispense Dollar. You just know it will never happen! Or should I say I have been waiting for the 100k the same way Abubakar is waiting for the 300k!

Then a few days later, Chukwudubem called me again. Now remember, I had sent this man a burial picture and insulted the size of his nose. So when I saw his call, I picked it up with pride. That was how Chukwudubem said the picture I sent to him, he has seen it before.

I said seen it where? He sent me a link on whatsApp. It was a facebook post.

Checkmates. It was the same picture. Same canopy. Same people in black. Same woman at the front holding a handkerchief. This post was from 2019 and it even happened in Ghana. I felt something leave my body. My destiny left my body to laugh at me.

Edgar, are you there?

I am here.

Don't send that girl one more naira. You hear me? Not one.

How did you even find this?

Does it matter? See your problem is that you want a girlfriend so badly, you cannot see that this girl is trying to finish you. All you know how to do is insult my nose. You have eyes, yet you can't see!

For the first time since I have known this man, I had nothing to say about his lips. I put my phone down. And for the first time since Nkechi entered my WhatsApp, the voices in my head were quiet. No “give her a chance.”

No “marry her.” No “call your mother.” Nothing. I did not call Nkechi that night. I did not block her either. I just stopped replying. I wanted to see what she would do.

Then last week, my phone rang. Remember the call at the beginning of this episode? The one where the network became bad at the exact moment I mentioned money? That call was last week. And it is the nonsense I was talking about in part one, when I said, “Let this be the last time you call my phone and say the nonsense you said.”

Ten minutes after the line cut, she called back.

Edgar, sorry, my network was bad.

I noticed. So what's up?

My Grandmother is dead for real this time and I need 100k to bury her. Please!

Nkechi, I already sent you money for this burial.

That was the first one. And I used the money to buy stocks for you!

Okay Nkechi, sell the stocks you bought with the money and use it for the burial. I don't have money to send to you please!

So you want my grandmother to just lie there like that? And you will say you love me.

I have never said that!

She started crying louder. And then she said it. The sentence that made me come on this podcast. She said,

Edgar give me my money you owe me! Give me my money; let me bury my grandmother!

Nkechi, what are you talking about?

She was quiet. Then her voice changed. No more crying. Dry. Like somebody just closed a tap.

If you don't give me my money, you will see hell in this lagos. I am not playing with you.

I Laughed told her to leave me alone and ended the call. That day, I finally did what Lancelot told me to do from the very beginning. I deleted her number, and I blocked her.

But Nkechi has refused to rest. She has called me from different numbers, asking me to unblock her. She even entered my Instagram comments. Under a video where I was advertising Laugh and Sip, she wrote, “Check your DM” People were liking it!

I have deleted her comments. I have blocked her everywhere. But for some weird reason I can still feel her near.

Why am I still single? Well its simple. Because sometimes desperation can make you do foolish things. If I am honest, I saw everything. I saw the travelling box. I saw the neck that was broken and still talking. I saw the burial that had no date.

I saw all of it with my two eyes. I just did not want it to be true.

You know what being single for a long time does to you? It makes you treat red flags like decoration. You see one, and you say, “maybe it is not red, maybe it is just pink.” You see another one, “maybe she had a bad day.”

Another one, “Edgar you're overthinking.” Before you know it, the whole place is red, like you're stuck in traffic.

I was not in love with Nkechi. I was in love with being needed. Somebody was calling me every day. Somebody was saying, "It is only you I have.” Do you know how sweet that is to a man that eats alone?

And she knew the exact place to touch. Remember what she told me the very first night. She said this podcast saved her on the nights she felt depressed.

CheckMates, I record this thing alone, in my room, and I pay for it from my pocket. I started it as an experiment, to see whether anybody at all would care about my stories. So I need to say this, and I need you to hear it well.

Many of you have sent me that same message. “Edgar, this podcast helped me through a hard time.” Please, do not stop. I am not going to start suspecting you because of one person. If this podcast has ever helped you, I believe you. I will always believe you.

I don't know if Nkechi was lying about that part, and I am not going to sit here and say she was. A person can be going through real pain and still lie to you about money.

I believe you. I just will not be burying your grandmother.

And to my fellow single people. Do not let loneliness shout louder than your common sense. Because…

You see? You see what I have been telling you? Third time. Same number.

You know what? Let me just pick it up and settle this with Abubakar, once and for all.

Hello Abu how far?

Edgar! Thank God. Please don't cut. Its me Nkechi

Nkechi, what do you want?

Edgar, I need your help. It is my daddy.

Your daddy.

He is very sick. He is in the hospital as I am talking to you.

Okay. Nkechi, close your eyes.

What?

Close your eyes, let us pray. Father, in the name of Jesus, we lift up Nkechi's daddy. Lord, touch him. Heal him from the crown of his head to the sole of his feet. And Father, as you are healing him, please let him remain healed.

Let him not do like some people in that family. In Jesus name.

Edgar.

Say amen.

Amen. But Edgar, it is not prayer I need. I need money.

Prayer is what I have.

Just 50k.

Use my shares.

Edgar, be serious, a man is dying. Hold on. Hold on, another call is coming in. It is my mummy.

Your who?

My mummy. Let me just tell her I will call her back.

Your mummy. I thought your mummy was dead?

Edgar, please don't start.

Don't start?

Nkechi. Leave me alone. I am begging you in the name of God. I am tired. My phone is tired. My bank app is tired. My friends are tired. Cordelia is tired. Even my ancestors, the ones that are still confused about my name, they are tired.

I don't have your brother's hospital money. I don't have your mother's burial money. I don't have your grandmother's burial money, first attempt or second attempt. Keep the shares. Greet your daddy. Greet your mummy. Greet mama, wherever she is this week. It is single I single.

I did not kill anybody. Leave me alone!

Fine.

Thank you.

But I am on my way to your house

My house to do what?

I forgot my gold wristwatch in your bathroom that day. I need to come up and check.

Nkechi, there is no wristwatch in my bathroom.

If you don't let me collect my property, I will call the police.

Nkechi, leave me alone!

Checkmates! I will see you guys next week. Let me go and tell Cordelia that Nkechi is planning to come around. Enjoy the rest of your day.

And that's the end of this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, then don't forget to subscribe and share this podcast with those who are single, dating, or married. Rate the podcast and drop a comment on my website. You get points for doing that.

And yes, we are trying to shoot the video episodes of the podcast, so please visit my website and donate to support the podcast. 10,000 Naira will go a long way.

If you have a story to share, then please send it to me through my email address, edgar@checkedgar.com or for a quicker response, chat with me in the chatbox on my website, www.checkedgar.com. I will respond in 3 hours, I promise. Edgar doesn't lie!