Madam K

Okay! What I am about to say right now may just be the craziest thing you have ever heard in your life. I was researching about honesty and Nigerian men. And what I found bursted my brain! Do you know that in Nigeria? A country in Africa with over 113 Million men and 110 million women. Do you know that there are only 27 Men in Nigeria today, that do not smoke, drink, womanize, or lie? Like we are only 27! Guys when I read it I wanted to run mad. Just me and 26 other guys. Isn't that crazy? The worst part is that the other 26 men are aware of this number so if you're just hearing about it now, then you are obviously not one of us.

If you're a lady listening right now and you're presently dating someone outside this number, then it means that your boyfriend or manfriend is doing one of these four things. This is very sad! It's painful.

Funny enough that's not the craziest part of the gist. The craziest part is that only 7 out of the 27 of us, only 7 are dating or married. The remaining 20 are single and searching just like myself. The issue now is that 6 out of the 20 are roaming the street as madmen, 4 are in the hospital receiving treatment and collecting drip, 8 are in police station arrested for crimes they did not commit and one is living as my tenant, a very unserious thief. So if you do the maths, it means that I am the only normal man left who does not smoke, drink, womanize, or lie! Just me and me!

It's deep guys. It's deep and painful! My advice to the lady who wants a better future with a responsible man who will love you, respect you, and provide for you is to dump your present boyfriend and just date me. Even if you don't know the other 26 guys, at least you know me. Try me and you won't regret it! I promise.

Don't overthink it, send me an email, at edgar@checkedgar.com include your picture in it and save yourself from future problems and emotional embarrassment. Date me, Date Edgar. Edgar doesn't lie! Check Edgar Out!

Wow! First of all, I want to thank you guys for listening and sharing the podcast so far. God bless you all. For the past 8 weeks, I have been telling stories about my relationship life from secondary school till 2019. You guys have been killing me in the comments, if you want to have a great laugh, go on Spotify or Apple podcast and read what people are saying. It's Hilarious!

I checked the stats some days ago and we have over 100,000 Impressions on Spotify already! Guys we are doing good. We are top 10 under the comedy section on Apple Podcast. No video, No guests, just me talking and you guys have made this happen, Na wa oh! Una too do oh! This is the 9th episode and as I promised, next week Friday, we are going to be celebrating together. Some giveaway items, cash prizes, and exciting news to come!

Next week, I will not be sharing my story but instead sharing some of the amazing stories I have received from Fans and friends (Checkmates). If you would like to share your story with me then shoot me an email at edgar@checkedgar.com.

It's going to be super fun guys! So make sure you do not miss it for anything! Next week is going to be big. I promise you.

Now, let's get into today's story.

Yes, I have said it so many times, I am a desperate young man looking for a girlfriend to marry. But this desperate guy is not just going to date anything. Yes, this beggar has a choice. I have spec too and there are a few Red flags I can never ignore. For example, I can't date or marry a woman who is taller than me. I mean I can't be looking up to you and you're looking down on me. That's not fair. Have you guys seen where a tall guy is kissing a short lady before and then she has to stretch till he carries her? That thing is so romantic. Now reverse it. Imagine I had to stretch to kiss my babe and then she carried me up to help me. Wouldn't that be weird? Exactly.

Don't get me wrong, I love tall girls, but all I am saying is that if you're taller than 5"11 then you're not for me. I also discovered that most ladies who are 6 feet tall are mostly proud and rude ladies. I don't know if it's true or not. It is somebody who told me.

I also cannot marry a lady older than me. Yes, I can date one but I can't marry a lady older. Why? Because my conscience will not allow me to call you "Baby" without feeling somehow. Someone who was already eating golden morn by herself before they gave birth to me, you now want me to call her baby? How na!

Today's story is about one of my many experiences with older women. In Nigeria, we call it "Sugar Mummy". If you are hearing this for the first time, make no mistake this has nothing to do with a woman selling sugar or a sweet woman. The term refers to a woman who seeks romantic or sexual relationships with significantly younger men. Some call them cougars, some call them sugar mama. Whatever you like to call them is your problem. I have had 6 different experiences with women like this. 5 happened after I became famous in 2020, and 1 happened before the fame in 2019. Today I will tell you about that one and how she used money to change my LIFE! Edgar doesn't lie. We will be right back.

Tired of waking up in the morning to a lonely bed? Has your pillow been giving you the silent treatment? Are you tired of rewatching old romantic movies, wondering when it'll finally be your turn to fall in love while walking in the rain, hand-in-hand with your soul mate? Well, we have absolutely nothing to solve that problem. I'm here to offer you… nothing. No miracle cure, no magic potion, not even a free T-shirt. Just the smooth, buttery sound of my voice.

BUT! If you have a business, a product, or even a secret family recipe for jollof rice that you think the world needs to know about, here's your chance! Until I get real sponsors with actual products, you'll have to endure these silly ads. But you can change that! Yes, YOU can be the hero of this podcast by sponsoring an episode! Send an email to edgar@checkedgar.com if you want to hear your business being advertised in the smoothest, most handsomely voiced way possible.

Until then… well, brace yourselves, CheckMates, this is what you get.

Sometime in August 2019. I featured in this stage performance in Abuja. It was a stage play about the Nigerian gods and their affairs in the lives of men. A beautiful piece of art that projects the Nigerian tradition in its true African form.

Now I played the role of Sango, that's the Yoruba god of Thunder, lightning, and justice. If you see the way I was using baritone to tension people that day. Anything I say like this, thunder will just sound. People dey shake inside the hall. Mehn it was truly epic. You guys need to see me act.

For example, maybe my line was "I am Sango and no one can defeat me. I am in distributable" Omo! Even you too feel am abi?

The play was wild and interesting. Crazy use of costume, and light and energetic choreography. The show was fun, from the story to the acting, directing, and music. The audience loved the performance. They were just screaming. Guys if you have never seen a stage play happen at a theatre before, trust me you are missing. Not church drama oh. Because I know that for most of you, the only stage play you have seen is when they are flogging Jesus in church. That's not what I am talking about sha. A proper stage play is done in a theatre.

Anyway, after the final bow. The audience got the opportunity to meet the cast and crew to interview them, take pictures, and just connect. That was when I met Madam K.

While others were taking pictures, asking me for an autograph, Madam K sat and fixed her eyes on me. It was one of the other cast Chibuzor that told me about how Madam K was looking at me. When I noticed I composed myself because in Abuja you don't know who is who. The daughter of the president can be there and with just the snap of a finger, you're blown! So I had to make sure I was doing everything right. By the way, she sat like all these old women looking for young talents to grow and manage. So in my mind, I was praying that she would see me and give me a good job offer.

Not long after, Madam K walked up to me. She had this security guard behind her. She was like "SANGO, SANGO Is it Okay if I have a word with you?" In my mind I was like omo, I hope there is no problem, God abeg. So I went to meet her. "Good Evening Ma"

She said, "How are you Sango?" I said fine Ma. She now said, "Your voice was captivating, electrifying, amusing, and astonishing! I said "Ahh all these different words for just me". She said "I really enjoyed your performance, you have a golden voice but a small body," I said "Thank you Ma", she now said "I can bet my life, that you are not small down there". I said Ma. she quickly responded "Oh please don't call me Ma" call me Madam Kathrine OR Madam K, I said Okay.

She did not stop there oh. She continued. "What are you doing for the evening?" I told her I wasn't sure yet, I had to speak with my director because we had to repeat the show the next day. She now said, "Oh, that's alright!, you are such a handsome young ma, I must say, how long are you going to be in Abuja for?" I told her 7 days. She was like "Brillant. I guess I will be having 7 amazing days right?'

Now, let me explain something to you guys. This Madam K was not a young person oh. If I were to guess her age maybe 48, or 49 there about. I was getting upset and disgusted by her questions and attitude because I thought she was going to talk about business or a show or something. So I tried to end the conversation because I noticed it wasn't leading anywhere. So I said "Madam K, thank you so much for coming to see the play, it will be running for the next five days. If you can help me tell your friends, I would appreciate it. Have a good night Ma"

I was just about to walk away when she said "Sorry Sango, so sorry! Forgive my manners Is it okay if I give you a little something for the great performance you had" I said something like what? She said, "Can you please call your account number?" Ahhh! Account number! I said okay. I called it sharp sharp. 0637832840 GTB bank. Before I could say "Jack Robbinson" This woman sent me 500k. That's 500,000 Naira. I wanted to run mad. Like Guys, this was in 2019. Do you know that the total money the theatre company agreed to pay me for 10 shows was just 200,000 Naira? Like this woman paid for my show and doubled it. I was smiling like a fool. The moment I looked up at her, I realized that she wasn't as old as I had imagined earlier. She looked very young like she was in her early 30s. Young fine woman like that.

She now said, "I hope that would cover your feeding for the Night Sango?" 500k for one night? Even if I order a full whale, I don't think it will cost me 500k. I told her it would be more than enough. She smiled and asked me for my real name. I said "Edgar" Edgar Eriakha. She now said, "For real, your real name is Edgar?" I said yes. Your parents named you Edgar. I said Yes. She said "Wow, that's such an amazing name", you know what call your account number again, and let me give you something for mummy. Ah! At that point, I was confused. Because of my name? I humbled myself and called it again 0637832840 GTB bank. She sent an additional 200k.

You know how they say a good name is better than silver and gold? Exactly! I never knew my name would give me money in my life. I wanted to tell her my brother's name is Eldred. Maybe she will give me more money. For those of you wondering if I ever gave my mom the money, well, all the money she has been helping me to keep since I was born, this is my way of collecting it back.

Anyway, I asked if she was going to see the play tomorrow and she said she wasn't sure because she would be traveling. I felt bad. We walked to her car and then she gave me her card and told me to call her if I was free for the evening.

When I got back to my hotel room and I told my roommates about what happened, they were offended at me. Chibuzor was just shouting "Guy guy, na grace be that, you for follow up" The other guy, I can't remember his name, that one too was shouting "Guy abeg no lose this opportunity oh, this woman love you, guy chop am! Chop am clean mouth!

I don't know why God keeps giving me mad people as friends and roommates. Around 9 pm that day, I called her to let her know I was grateful and I was resting at my hotel for the evening. She asked me "if I was free to come out," I said yes. She told me she was going to call back.

10 minutes later she called me and told me she wanted us to have drinks somewhere around town. I told her I don't drink, she said do you smoke? I told her I don't smoke. She now said I should still come that she wanted to know me some more and she had a job for me.

Now, I was going to cancel but when she said she had a job, my spirit just said, go! So I asked for the address and she sent it to me. I shared the location with about 4 different people just in case anything happened.

When I got to the venue, it was one bar like that, she wasn't there at the time, but she told me to order whatever I liked and that she would pay when she got there. Quick quick, I ordered pepper soup and yam.

When she came, she looked different, she was wearing a very short black gown! In my mind, I was like isn't this too short for a 30-something-year-old woman but again what do I know about fashion, I came here for business.

She apologized for coming late. This time she was alone, with no security guard. She ordered something and we started gisting. We talked about my name, my career, and my family. She didn't tell me a lot about herself. When I asked for her full name, she laughed and ignored the question. When I asked her any question about herself, she would just laugh and say "Your voice is turning my head upside down young man"

The next thing she did got me worried. As we were eating and gisting, she said there was a soup stain on my mouth, before I could say a word, she used her finger to clean it from my lips and licked her finger right after. I was confused. Hope this woman is not a demon sha. I know some of you will say "Oh that's sexy", it's not sexy anything. It was disgusting but I kept my cool. I came here for a job. The next thing that got to me was that I started feeling something on my lap under the table. At first, I thought it was my phone in my pocket that was vibrating. When I checked, I noticed it was her hand massaging my lap, she didn't remove it or act like it was a mistake. Instead, she kept rubbing my thigh. My head started paining me. Then she deliberately fell her beg towards me, when I tried to pick it up, she opened her legs wide and the things my eyes saw under the table, I cannot even say in this podcast. Immediately I raised my head back up and looked her in the eyes. "Madam K?" she said "Yes Sango, I hope there is no problem, or am I playing with thunder?"

I did not want to be rude so I just smiled and told her I was going to the restroom. Again I came here for business. In the restroom, I started thinking about my life, this woman wanted something more from me. It was clear she wanted to have sex or do something nasty. But she is 30-something and I was still a child in my early 20s. I made up my mind, I was going to talk about the business at the moment that brought me. This nonsense has to stop, if she is not giving me a job then I will walk out of there.

When I got back, she was smiling at me. I went straight to the business conversation. I asked her about the business she had for me. She smiled at first and told me to relax that she was getting there. She said she was big on stage plays and wanted a show where I played different characters and told different stories for an hour. That the play was going to be a one-man show. Just me doing the acting.

I was confused. A one-man show like how. She said if I agreed, she would give me more details about the show. I was trying to explain to her that I needed to understand the show better before I could accept such a job. Before I finished my explanation. I received another alert. This time it was 1 Million Naira, but that wasn't the crazy part. The remark read.. Initial payment for the one-man show!

I don't know if you've ever been in a situation where you receive money in your account and then your phone immediately begins to freeze. Like your apps just hang all of a sudden. At that time in 2019, I had never received 1 million naira once before. Maybe 250k four times but once, never. Immediately I was scared. I told her the money was too much, and that I had not even agreed to do the show. That I needed more time to think.

She now said the money was for me to think about it and get back to her. Let me not lie 1miilion naira to think? How much is my brain? 1 million Naira to think. Omo God punish poverty. We talked for a bit and then she left. As she was leaving, she asked if she could hug me and I agreed, that was when I realized that her gown wasn't as short or bad as I thought. Also, she wasn't looking 30-something. She looked way younger like she was 18, 19. She looked young to me. It was at this moment I realized I was liking this babe. And I think the babe was liking me too.

I got to my hotel around 1 am the next morning. I didn't sleep at all. I was just thinking about everything. First, I was thinking about how beautiful she looked. From her hair to her eyes, her lips, everything about my baby was gorgeous. Then I started thinking about the money I received. Before I came to Abuja, I had 70k in my account, now I have over 1.5 million just because someone liked my performance and my name. I did not know if I should thank God or thank Sango! I was just lying on my bed thinking about the one-man performance for my baby.

We had the show again that afternoon around 2 pm the next day. During the show, I remember that Chibuzor and his friend were overdoing it so that they would find their own Madam K. I was just laughing backstage. That morning I didn't perform Sango, I had a double cast who was equally a brilliant actor.

After the show. We took pictures and had some interviews. I looked at the crowd and I didn't see Madam K. It was when I was about to leave I saw her security guard. He brought lunch for me and told me that Madam K was coming in the evening to see my performance again.

I collected the food and gave it to Chibuzor and his friend.

Later that evening, we had the show again. Most times the people in the hall are way more in the evening than in the day. I was performing that night and as usual, I killed the performance again. Everyone kept screaming my name, sango, sango, sango! The sound guy too was putting thunder effects.

Anyway, I was resting backstage when the assistant director told me my mom was around and she wanted to see me. My mom? What is my mom doing in Abuja? So I went to check and guess who the goat was calling my mom. Madam K., I guess the guy was blind and didn't see the 19th-year-old lady properly. My babe is who you're calling my mother.

Anyways. I met Madam K and we walked to her car. She told me she came with four of her friends and they all loved my performance. I nodded in appreciation. She asked if I liked the lunch she sent and if I wanted to have dinner with her. I told her I had overnight rehearsals and I wouldn't be able to make it. She wasn't happy. She now asked if I had decided to do the one-man show for her. I told her I was still thinking about it. And I had to tell my director before doing something like that.

She begged me not to tell my director, that she wanted it to be between us. When I asked her how many people would be seeing the play? Like what's the size of the audience? She said she wanted a private show. That it was just going to be her. I was confused. One-man play and one-man audience? Ah! What's going on?

I told her I would give her my answer that night. That I would call her when I was back at the hotel. She was excited. She hugged me and then she left. When I got to my hotel room later that night, I thought about it for a while. Some crazy thoughts ran through my mind. What if it is a setup and she is planning to sleep with me? What if she wants to use me for a money ritual, i mean that will fail woefully because how much is my destiny? What if she planned to tie me down and sell my organs for money or use me for something evil? My head was everywhere. Just when I was about to send a message to tell her I was not interested, I now remembered that she paid me 1 million just to think about it. What if she gives me 2 million for saying yes and who knows 10 million for performing? Do you know what I can do with 10 million?

Guys. I will first use 1 million to buy beans after all we are all human beings then 1 million to buy rice, we rise by lifting others. Omo, I was just thinking anyhow that evening. I later made up my mind on what I was going to do.

So I called her

Hello, good evening Madam K

My sango, how was your rehearsal?

It was brilliant, we thank God.

Okay, thats good. So have you decided yet?

Yes I have.

Great, so am I seeing a show soon?

Yes you will. I will do the show but you must tell me where the show will happen and allow me to come to the venue with someone for my safety at least.

Sango are you scared? Nothing will happen to you, my dear. But if you insist that's fine. I will send you the address. When will you be free?

I told her I was going to be free the next day. That my double cast was performing that day. She was so excited. Then she asked me some other questions, now due to how vulgar her questions were, I have deliberately omitted some of the questions and modified one just so we are clear. I don't want you to overthink it.

Her first question was "Sango have you had sex before?", I was lost because I did not even know how we got there. I replied, "Is there a problem?" She said not at all, that she just wanted to know. I was quiet, then she asked another question she said "Do you like older women?" I told her my mom was older than me, and I liked my mom.

She started laughing, she was like "That's why I like you, you're too clever". She now asked "How big is your banana?" by the way she didn't use the word banana. Again I am just modifying the question. I was like Madam K with all due respect, I dont think this has anything to do with the show. She now asked some other questions I can't say here but I gave professional answers all through. She was getting upset because I was becoming difficult.

Edgar, if you think I want to sleep with you, then you're mistaken. I only like your skill and was trying to play with you. Don't ever raise your voice at me again. See you tomorrow. Goodnight

She ended the call. I was confused when did I raise my voice?

That night she sent me the address and then added that the time for the show was 5 pm. I told my director I was going into town to see my relative and would be back late in the evening.

I planned to go there with Austin one of my friends but for some reason, Austin was not available so I went with Chibuzor.

When we got to the address, it was a house, a duplex, somewhere in Maitama. The house looked like an abandoned building. You know those big houses where no one says in. Exactly. Her security guard walked us in.

They asked if we were hungry, and I said No, Chibuzor said Yes. They gave him rice and a big turkey to eat, I was busy looking around and praying for mercy in my mind. God abeg!

Then Madam K walked down the stairs and asked me to follow her. Chibuzor was still eating his meal.

She took me to a big room, locked the door, and started playing music. I was confused. Then she sat on the chair and told me she would call out some things and ask me to perform the first thing that came to mind. I was like okay.

She started calling out things like can you act like "A Fish in water", A Gorilla, A warrior, A policeman asking for a bribe. A newscaster. See a grown-up guy like me acting like fish, something fishy was going on. Guys, it wasn't random oh. She had a book of different characters. After performing for almost an hour. She told me she told me she was satisfied.

She got her phone and sent me 500k and mentioned that I did a good job. I was like thank you, Madam K, Can I go?

She said No! I was confused.

She said she wanted to beg me for something. I was like Okay. That was how she started crying, that ever since she saw the play, she liked me. She has wanted me. That she is willing to do anything I want to have me. She said my voice gets her sexually active. She started begging me to date her. That she likes me and that she is willing to give me a weekly allowance if I agree to be her man.

In my mind, I felt trapped because the door was locked. I was just thinking of how I would escape before she turned my story into that of Joseph.

I begged her that I wasn't interested and that I was going to return all the money she sent if she wanted it back. The next thing she said killed me.

She said ever since she got married, she has never been satisfied sexually. I was shocked. Ma, so you are Married? Immediately her age jumped from 18 to early 30s. She now said she even has 2 kids, immediately her age jumped from 30 to 45.

I begged her, I told her I wasn't that kind of a guy. That everything I do or say, is just acting and nothing more. I don't have the powers of Sango.

Long story short. Nothing happened that day. She later opened the door and begged me not to say a word to anyone. I promised to keep it a secret, well until today.

When Chibuzor asked me if anything happened, I told him nothing. He didn't believe me but we moved past it.

I didn't see Madam K until the last day of the show, but this time she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at another cast, my double cast. The other guy who played Sango. After the show, I saw them talking.

I don't know if she had a thing for me or if she just liked the character Sango, my own is that I enjoyed the 2M, without doing anything silly except acting like a fish swimming in a river. I know a lot of celebrities who would jump on this opportunity and spread their legs for every naira they can get but it can never be me. Like I said, I am a desperate young man but this beggar has a choice.

So why am I still single? Well, that's simple. I wasn't going to date a 40-something-year-old married woman for money. No way. Sure, 2 million naira is huge, but my destiny and pride? Far greater than that. As they say, 'All that glitters isn't gold, sometimes it's just someone else's wife with an expensive purse.'

And that's the end of this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, then don't forget to subscribe, and share this podcast with those who are single, dating, or married. Rate the podcast and drop a comment. And yes, you can donate to support the podcast. 3 dollars will go a long way.

If you have a story to share then please send it to me through my email address edgar@checkedgar.com or for a quicker response chat me with the chatbox on my website www.checkedgar.com, I will respond in 3 hours, I promise. Edgar doesn't lie!

Don't forget that we have a party next week on Friday. It's the 10th episode next week Friday. TGIF Baby!