Love is Blind

Okay! If you only get to listen to three minutes of this podcast, then here is what I want you to take home from this episode. Whatever you do, however you plan to find love, do not, I repeat, do not let a mad person set you up on a blind date. There is a 99.5% chance that the date is going to be a disaster.

Before the arrival of video chatting and social media apps, blind dates were the easiest ways to find love and your lifelong partners in Minutes. Back then, there was always that one person who wanted you to date and marry like their life depends on it. If they are not asking you if you have a partner every two days, they are suggesting one to you. And they all use the same techniques.

They will first gist with you for hours about how amazing the particular girl is and advise you to take the girl on a date. Their last question they always ask is, Should I give you her number?

You too will collect their number, talk to them over the phone, send SMS once or twice, and then agree to meet either at the cinema or a fancy restaurant. Somewhere sweet. The idea was that you get to ask questions about yourselves and find out if the other person is someone you just might be interested in.

Now I haven't found people or a couple that met themselves through a random blind date and are married today. If you know any, please let me know. I know that Nigeria is a hopeless place, 70% of married couples today started talking by mistake. It only grew into love and a serious relationship over time. Yes, I said it. Now I know there are some of you listening right now and saying, It's a lie. Blind dates work very well in Nigeria. Edgar, where are you getting your numbers from? Well, if you must know, it is somebody who told me, Me too, I am telling you. Help me tell somebody.

Back then, blind dates were sincere. People didn't have to over impress anybody to make you like them differently. No need for extra makeup. If you don't like my face without makeup, then you have to make up your mind and be on your own. No need for borrowed hair, borrowed shoes, or even borrowed accents.

Some ladies will go on blind dates with a fellow Nigerian and be speaking phonics. "Sorry, do you have pure water?". They will say its packaging. And the guy too will borrow suit, borrow phone, some will even borrow car and be shaking the car key in your face so that you will know it's a Mercedes Benz that he is driving.

Anyway, that's their wahala. On today's episode of Why Am I Still Single? I am going to be sharing with you one of the most horrible blind dates I have ever experienced in my life. I will never forget this girl and the horrible experience I went through on that day.

This is not a curse but any man who decides to marry that girl has only gone to marry problem. Now, I know some of you are saying, Edgar, why will you curse a lady just because she didn't work for you? One man's meat is another man's poison.

This lady is not just a poisonous meat. She is a poisonous goat. And I don't blame her; I blame the young, mad man Nuel, who set me up on a blind date with her. I am sure you're wondering what she did. Well, I will give you the full gist.

This is "why am I still single?" and when we come back, we will be talking about Loveth and my horrible blind date experience.

Just before we go, if you have ever had a terrible blind date and would love to share your story with me,. Then please send me a message at edgar@checkedgar.com. Remember, Edgar doesn't lie, so say it as it is.

Do not stop listening; we will be right back.

So what led to this blind date, and why would I call someone a goat with my small chest? Well, before I tell you the story, let me just quickly tell you five things every guy expects from a lady during a date, assuming you both agree to visit a restaurant. One, don't order for what you cannot afford. I am not saying that I cannot or will not pay, but please, the idea is for us to know each other. It is not an eating competition or the best place to try everything on the menu. Some of you will go on a blind date and be asking for takeaway packs, youre on a blind date and youre asking for takeaway. Will you take away that nonsense attitude?

Some of you, they ask what do you want to eat? You are calling pages. Ehn, give me pages 4 to 7. Like you're on a date with the son of the owner of the restaurant. No shame.

Two, don't talk too much. Yes, we know you have a lot going on in your life, but please, this is not the time to tell me everything. Someone will say, Tell me about yourself, and you will go and start from when you were 2 years old. Like, are you normal?

Three, don't come late. Don't come late. If we agree to meet by 2pm. Let it be 2pm or 2:15 pm Max. we cannot agree that we will meet by 2pm and youre coming by 6pm. From lunch, you have changed the plan to dinner and after coming late, youre still smiling with your yellow teeth. "Ehn sorry its African time plus Nigerian time" It is wrong na. Very wrong.

Number four. reduce the way you press your phone. The idea of the date is for us to know each other, not for you to be telling the world what we are eating and how you are feeling. Some of you will enter a restaurant and press our phones from the beginning of the date till you get home. Let your phones breathe.

Finally, number five. Don't come in smelling like you sell fish. Yes, I know you're a vegetarian and you don't like meat, but you can tell me instead of coming with the odor. Some of you don't have mosquitoes in your house because of your body odor. Only your body odor alone can cause the restaurant to increase its prices.

I can tell that some of you are laughing at these things, trust me its not funny. Its super annoying. Now to my story.

Before going on a date with Loveth, I have gone on one blind date before. I met the girl at a random group, and we decided to go on a date the next day. The date didn't go well at all. We went to watch a movie at Ikeja City Mall.

Not only did she come late, she came directly from the gym. She broke the camels back when she told me that she was a boxer and that she had to practice that morning. If you see her hand, her fist alone was heavy. Knuckles everywhere. Imagine we were watching a movie; I couldn't crack jokes before the blind date would make me blind.

I was very quiet. In my mind, I was just begging God to allow me to reach my house in one piece. Now, I am not against female boxers, but if you see the way she was behaving during the movie,. "Punch am for eye, target his jaw!" I was just looking at her. When I got home, I blocked her on all platforms. I did not want to start what I could not finish.

Finding a girlfriend in Lagos is now difficult. Very difficult. Especially when you don't have the rizz or technical know-how to get a woman you like.

Sometime in 2019, I went to live with my friend Nuel at his place. I was working for a company in Yaba, and he was living around Yaba at the time, so it only made sense that I go there and commute from there to the office and back.

Nuel or Emmanuel had different girls. He is a chick magnet. A lady sees him, and immediately the lady falls in love. Nuel had his way with women. How he used to do it, I don't know. The sad part was that I was finer than this guy; I even had a better voice, but you know how confused some Nigerian women can be. Even if God came down from heaven and handed over their partner to them, they would look God in the eye and tell him that they want Timini.

So I don't blame them at all, but I was open to learning. I wanted to have babes as well, or at least date someone sweet. When I told Nuel I wanted to learn how to catch women, the fool was behaving like he had written books about women in the past. He started feeling himself. He would say, "Don't worry, I will give you about 6 of them; if you want a few," Very useless boy.

That was how I started classes with Nuel; he would tell me what to wear, how to speak, and the words to use. Let me not lie, Nuels methods were interesting. Nuel could predict the next move of a lady. He will tell me to say this, she will say that, and then you will say this. And just like that, it will happen the way he has said it.

Sometimes I used to wish that he was this brilliant in school, but no, his brilliance was only when the situation was related to women. His nickname at the time was Nuelion. A combination of his name and that of a lion. The real Mr. stole your girl.

One day, while we were playing console games at his place, PS4 or 5, I can't remember. Nuel told me he has a friend he is certain I will like. My biggest mistake was asking him who she was. There is nothing Nuel did not say that day. Her name is Loveth, but you can call her Love. The girl is fine; her shape is like that of star radler beer. She is sexy, not too tall, not too short. She is chocolate in complexion. Her smile is like that of an angel, and her eyes are like the morning star. She is brilliant, hard-working, and loves to keep a conversation going.

To be honest, I wasn't impressed, because it was this same useless Nuel that introduced me to that girl who was a boxer. And when he was introducing her to me, he didn't say she had muscle and a bigger chest oh. He was telling me she has sexy strength and that her smile can make a big man fall.

So because I know my friend, I told him to tell me her red flags. Nuel said she doesn't have any red flags; she is a green flag babe. Now, me and you know there is no woman in this world who is perfect. Everyone has something that isn't right. But just because I did not want it to look like I was scared of her, I told him I was going to think about it.

Of course, he asked me the most important question: "Do you want her number?" I told him yes. And he sent it to me on WhatsApp.

Now, Nuel had warned me about certain rules I should never break. For example, he said that until you two are extremely cool, never call her on video call randomly. Call her first before sending a message on WhatsApp. Let her give you her approval to send a message before you do. Lastly, be a gentleman and speak with a deeper and calmer tone.

For those of you wondering if my voice was deep at the time, no, it wasn't. My voice story is another podcast on its own. Then I had to deepen it a bit to make it sound sweet. There was a thin line between sounding like a Morgan Freeman and a terrorist. So I had to be careful. Before the girl will run away.

Nuel said women can smell desperate men, so I had to act like I wasn't really interested, and it was just me trying to make new friends.

So later that day, I tried her number like five times, but she didn't pick, so I stopped and decided to give her time; I didn't want to look desperate. About an hour later, i decided to call her. One of the hardest part with starting a friendship is having the first conversation. It is as if you are writing jamb with multi-choice options that are either correct or wrong. Keeping a conversation going can be more difficult than it seems. You need to build everything from the person's last statement or be creative.

Back to Loveth and the call.

she later called me back and this were the first few words she said.

"Hello, sorry, i missed your call."

I activated the baritone immediately. I said, "Hi, my name is Edgar, I got your number from Nuel, am i speaking with Loveth?" she said "Yes, love". In my mind, i thought the girl immediately fell for the voice Oh, I did not know that love was the short form of her name. I was already smiling.

She asked if there was a problem and if Nuel was alright. I was like, Nuel is fine; he is doing okay. he gave me your number because i was looking for an actress for my short film.

She started laughing. "Me? Don't mind that boy, please."

The laugh was a sign that i was making progress and i was making sense. She asked me for my name again. I said Edgar; she didnt try to pronounce it. She just said your name is not common; what does it mean? I told her it meant rich and happy. She started laughing. "Ha you rich? Do you have money?

I did not even know how to respond; I told her i was happy. The useless girl said, Heyaaa. The next thing she asked was for me to tell her about my short film. I was just creating nonsense on the spot. I told her the title was Blue Roses and that it was a movie where the most beautiful girl was cursed by a witch, and the curse was that all the men would fight to have her. Loveth started laughing again. She was like, "What is my role in the movie?" I told her she was going to play the most beautiful girl, the main actress. She started laughing again.

This was the first issue I had with this lady. Everything made her laugh. I say A, she laughs; I say B, she laughs. Very unserious nonsense. Anyway, let's continue before some of you think I am a sadist. After all, my name means happy.

She was like, "I don't think I can hact like that." Now that was my second problem with Loveth. I ignored it at first but the more she spoke, the more i heard this annoying H factor. For those of you who do not know what it means, the H factor is a speech problem where people include the

So instead of saying egg, she will say Hegg; instead of old, she will say Hold; instead of oil, she will say Hoil. It was crazy.

She asked where I was from, and I said Edo State. She started laughing again. "Hedo, Hedo! Ha! I am scared of Hedo boys, oh, don't use me for jazz, oh." At this point, i was trying not to get upset, but I just calmed down. The next thing she asked was, "Can you guess where I am from?"

Uncontrollable laughter, H factor, where else, she is from Ibadan, Oyo State. So I said Oyo, and she started laughing again. "How did you know? Did you hask Nuel?" I said I didn't, that I was good at guessing. Do you know what she did next? Exactly, Laugh. It was as if she had a laughing problem. I don't think I was saying anything funny.

Now Nuel had warned me prior to the call that no matter what, I must initiate the end of the call before she does. If she does it before me, it might make me look or seem desperate. And I agree; the last thing I want is an Ibadan girl thinking I am desperate.

So I asked her if she was on Whatsapp and if I could chat with her some time. She was like, sure. I was like, cool. Talk to you later, Loveth. She was like, I should call her love instead. I was like, okay. Just before I could end the call, she said, "What's your name again?" I said Edgar. She still didn't try to pronounce it. She just said, Okay.

Aside from the excess laughter and H factor, I really enjoyed the conversation. I felt it was building somewhere, and she seemed pretty cool. The next hurdle was putting a face to her name and voice. I hope her face is as lovely as her name. Nuel, who was shouting; she is this; she is that, did not have any picture to show me.

So i sent a message on WhatsApp and introduced myself to her. She was excited and started talking about how cool my voice was over the phone. I was smiling like a fool. She said I sounded very mature and she liked the way I spoke, I couldnt say the same. So i said I like her attitude towards life and how free she was.

We talked about the movie a bit and when I was going to send the script. Something that was never going to happen. So before I could ask, she asked me for my picture because she wanted to see how I looked. Now there are two photos on my phone that I always send when people ask to see what I look like. If you have noticed, I don't post a lot of my pictures everywhere, but I have two pictures that I tag as my favorites. Send me a message at edgar@checkedgar.com if you want to see what they look like.

I sent this girl one of them, hoping she would be blown away. But to my greatest surprise, her response wanted me dead. She wrote, "Lol, is this a throwback picture of when you were a teenager?" I wanted to die.

Madam, i took those pictures two months ago, Dont let me swear for you, this ibadan girl. I replied, "lol, that is me now". She didnt stop there oh, she continued, "You look very different from what i was expecting, no beards, no packs, no flesh, nothing, Is this a prank?"

Now I was upset; I was going to block her, but then again, she wasn't lying. So I allowed it to slide. I just responded with, "lol, what are you doing today?" she responded, "Today, I am looking for your beards, lol."

I was losing it. The girl was taking it too far and it was beginning to penetrate. Again, i tried to change the topic. i said "Where in Oyo are you from?", The mad woman said "I am from a small village near Ibadan; the men there have beards", This was the nail that crucified me. I knew that i had to respond and hit her hard but Nuels voice came to my head. I remembered that he said i had to be a gentleman.

So i told her to stop insulting my beard that it was getting to me. She laughed and apologised. She now said that she doesnt actually like beards and that she only thought i would have some because of my baritone.

I asked her to send me her own picture; she said she would, but she didnt. When I checked her profile picture, I saw a picture of a very fair lady, looking so fine. Red lips, blue eyes. Looking too perfect without a filter or makeup. In my mind, I was like, If this is Loveth, then she deserves the name.

When I asked her if she was the one in her profile picture, she replied with the blushing emoji. The lady is so fine. I fell in love with her some more. I told her she looked pretty, and she was like she didn't believe me and that she doesn't consider herself fine or pretty. She was just okay. Now, when a beautiful lady says she isn't fine or pretty, but she is okay, just know she is trying to fake humility. Pretty girls know pretty girls. A fine girl knows she is fine; don't let anyone deceive you.

We talked for a while that day before i got busy and told her i was going to reach out later that evening.

Guys like play, like play I was liking loveth. She seemed pretty cool and didnt laugh as much as she did the first day. Also, i reasserted that her H factor wasnt that bad; i guess i was just overreacting or maybe it was my ear that was adding H because I didnt hear a lot of it the days after our first conversation on the phone.

So after a few days, I told Nuel about our conversation. I told him I liked her and wanted to move things forward. Nuel looked and asked if we had met in person. I said no. He asked if we had done video calls, and I said no. He asked if i had seen her picture; I wasnt sure, so i said no. It was at this point that my brain started to think. Nuel didn't say anything after that. We were quiet for some time. After the long silence, Nuel said he was going to help. I asked how, and he said he was going to set us up for a blind date. He will try to talk to her and put in some words for me.

I was so excited. I started jumping up and down like a rat. Nuel was just laughing. If you want to hear everything that happened during the blind date, then do not stop listening, and I will tell you the other part of the story when we return. Here is some quick information from the sponsors of the episode.

By the way, let's take a moment to thank our sponsor for today's episode, T&E Gifts. The ultimate gift shop to get affordable and valuable gifts for those you love in Nigeria. Visit www.tande.com or tande on Instagram today to get your mind blown away. Now back to "why am I still single?".

And we are back! Back like I never left. So, where did I stop? Did I tell you guys that I told Nuel about loving loveth and that he promised to plan a blind date for the both of us? Exactly.

One random afternoon, Nuel sent me a message saying that he had spoken to her and that she had agreed to go on a date with me. He wanted me to talk to her about the location and the time of the date. I was excited. So I called her and acted like I did not approve of or send Nuel to do it. The good thing was that we were both in Lagos, so the date wasn't a big problem. She lives in Ajah, and I stay in Ogudu.

That was how I asked Aunty Loveth about her ideal first date location. Would you rather go to the movies or to the beach? She said anywhere we can eat. She wants a place where we can sit, eat, and talk. So I told her to pick any restaurant she liked. This girl went to pick one restaurant in the heart of VI. You know all those kind of restaurants that Nigerians hardly visit, those ones where most people are white and Asian.

I don't know who told her I was Dangote's stepson. Maybe it is because I told her my name meant rich and happy. I just kept quiet. So we agreed to meet there that Saturday by 1pm. We both agreed.

A day before the date, I went to have my hair cut and get my nails cleaned. I was not going to fall my own hands. I took my best traditional attire to the nearby laundry so they could help me press my clothes with an iron. I bought some chewing gum, just in case something happens and we end up locking lips. I even bought a gift for her, one shining bracelet like that. The only thing I didn't get was a flower or something too serious, so it didn't look like I was doing too much.

That night, myself and Nuel kept gisting about the date. Nuel was giving me the advice of my life. Don't do this; don't do that. If she says this, say that. In my mind, I was asking myself, Am I going to apply for a US visa? This thing is not that hard.

On the day of the date, I don't even know how it happened, but I woke up late. I usually wake up around 6 or 7 a.m., but that day, I woke up after 10. I was so upset. On a good day, the distance between my location and the restaurant is like 35 to 40 minutes, but because Lagos is Lagos, a 35-minute journey might end up being 3 hours. And if Lagos decides to be mad, a 35-minute journey can take two days. It all depends on the kind of Lagos you get to see.

So I had my bath, brushed my teeth like I was washing jeans, ate a quick breakfast, wore my best traditional attire, and sprayed myself with some killer perfume. I left my house after 12. I sent her a message to say I was running late and I would get there at 12:30. She said she was also running late but she would be there soon.

Guys, I got there at 12:24, and I felt very bad. I was upset at myself. Only for me to enter the restaurant, and she wasn't there. She had not arrived. I sent her a message, but she didn't respond. I called her number, but she didn't pick up.

The first problem was that I didnt know how she looked. So she was every lady that walked in. i kept smiling and waving at every woman, especially the fine ones. When it was 2:45, I started getting offended. I tried sending a message again, but there was still no response. She later called after 3. That she is so sorry that she had to drop something off at her sister's house, that she was on her way home, and that she would soon start heading here. I was confused.

I was like, why dont you come here from your sister's house? She said she looks like a mess and wouldnt want to give that impression. When i asked when she will get here, she told me very soon.

3:30, she wasn't here. At 4:30, she wasn't here. There is a way you will wait at a restaurant, that the waiters will start suspecting you. Exactly. I asked them to give me the menu. I was just looking at it, and in my mind, I was like, If this girl isn't Nicki Minaj, there will be a problem.

Some minutes later, one lady entered the restaurant. This lady was sweating all over, and her makeup was barely done. She had these big glasses on, and she looked like she was a plus-size woman. So I knew that she couldn't be my loveth. Only for this woman to walk up to me and ask, "Hedgar?" I wanted the ground to swallow me. The woman was actually loveth.

I nodded my head. She started apologizing, saying that there was traffic and that the bus she entered from Ajah had a drunk driver. I was just looking at her. The next thing she said was, "Ho Hedgar, you look and smell very good; you deserve a hug." If you see the odor, my God, Jesus wept.

The smell was bad; it was like she slept in a poultry store before visiting someone who sells bad meat. My nose lost its powers of smell. What! I was upset, but I kept my composure.

We started chatting. I asked her if her glasses were recommended or just for fun, and she said she couldn't see at all without them. She said she was suffering from presbyopia; she had to wear it everytime. I did not know that love is blind.

She said i look better in person and that she enjoys hearing me talk. I told her she looked good as well; even if i knew i was lying, there was nothing to compliment. I asked her who the lady in her profile picture was, and she said it was her friend at work. I now asked her why she used her friend's picture as her profile picture. She said most people at the office say they look alike, so she wanted to confuse them.

Look alike? How? She did not look like the profile picture in any way. You can tell I am trying not to insult her, but God dey create sha. I felt scammed.

We started talking about love languages. I told her mine was physical touch and quality time; she said hers were gifts and food. Food? When did food become a love language? That's my problem with girls from Ibadan.

She took the menu and started to order things. If you see the way she was picking things, she had the mind to say, "Funny enough, I am not that hungry today," and you were ordering more than 3 plates of food. What if you were hungry?

The next problem was that this girl did not keep quiet for one minute. She had a lot to say about everything. She talked about my clothes, my perfume, her hair, her dirty glasses, Lagos traffic, the restaurant walls, the waiter, everything. Her mouth wasn't tired. After talking for more than an hour, she looked at me and said she doesn't like people who talk too much. Aunty, are you listening to yourself?

This lady wanted to murder my name. Hedgar pass me the glass cup. Hedgar help me pass the menu. Hedgar why hare you looking at me like that? Headgear, hare you not going to order anything?

She kept saying she was a hopeless romantic and that she believed in love. I was just weeping in my mind. I became hopeless. She said it was her best date ever, I was just waiting to get back to Nuels Place so we could fight this out properly.

The biggest problem was that when it was time to pay, the waiter brought the bill to me. The total bill was about 62,000 Naira. It wasn't a problem, because I always prepare for the worst. Only for me to check my pocket and then i realised that i had forgotten or misplaced my wallet somewhere. I was nervous.

There is no part of my pocket i did not check. My breast pocket, my side pocket, my back pocket, everywhere. It wasnt with me. I had an issue with my bank app, so I couldn't transfer. I called Nuel, but he didn't pick up. I called Fela; his number was switched off. I started to panic until it became too obvious, and Loveth noticed.

She asked if there was an issue, and I told her I forgot my wallet. She went wild. She started to insult me, saying that I brought her out to disgrace her and that she could not wash plate oh. She instructed the waiter to give her a separate bill for the things she ate. I told her to pay for everything and that I would transfer it when I got home. If you see the way she looked at me, bombastic side eye. She paid for feeding, got up, and said to me, "Never in your life; call me again." I felt embarrassed. She left as people were begging her.

The most painful thing that happened was when one random woman came to me and started telling me that what I did was wrong and that I should not treat women like that. I was confused. I called all my friends, but nobody picked. See me sweating under AC. I now remembered that I still have a capable father. So I called my father and told him I needed some money, and immediately he sent it to me.

I paid for the meal and packed the rest with me as I took a ride home. I got home at 9. I felt really bad that day; it was as if Nuel and Loveth set me up or planned to disgrace me. When I told Nuel what happened, if you see the way he laughed over the phone, I assured him of at least three slaps the next time I saw him.

The good thing about the date was that I didnt get to pay for her food. After eating three plates of insults and drinking two bottles of curses, I am happy i didnt end up paying. You see, sometimes God has a way of doing things, thank God my wallet was missing. It would have pained me to my bones if i paid for everything.

Loveth and I didn't talk for about 2 months until one day she messaged me on WhatsApp, saying she missed me and would love to hear my voice. I didn't respond to her. I wasn't ready for another embarrassment.

When they say love is blind, it often implies that you like someone so much that you do not see their flaws or faults, but that wasn't the case here. I liked love before I saw her, but the moment the blind date opened my eyes, I knew she wasn't the one for me.

Have you ever been on a horrible blind date? How did it go? What did you do? I want to hear your story, and I want to share your story as well. So talk to me. Send me a message. Remember, Edgar doesn't lie, so say it as it is. I love you guys

And that's the end of today's story on WAISS. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, then don't forget to subscribe, share this podcast, give me five stars, drop a review, and let me know your thoughts. Show some love to my patreon. By the way, next week, we are going to be taking a different twist with the podcast series. We will be interviewing some of your favorite celebrities, my friends, and we will find out why they are still single. Also, you know that the podcast ends the day I get married, so please help me tell your fine friends that Edgar is single and he is waiting patiently to date them. If you love me, help me. Send me a message at edgar@checkedgar.com, or go to my website at checkedgar.com and send a message in the let's talk section.